Memories... happiness bitter sweet or sour locked up in a box...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Now I know what it means when people say that "life is unpredictable."

All my life I hav always dreamed of going to Poly & tahe the course that I want & after doing so, pursue my life in a career that is so dear to me. Now after finally opening my results slip I do not know what to expect or predict anymore. ITE is the last option that I have in mind & not only that, I dont even know its procedure nor what it has instore for me.

To me, ITE is a place for the hooligans. And me being a vulnerable human baing myself, I dont even know what to do. All my life I hav always depended on my family & so much to my friends, I always stick to them like a rash that is stubborn to be washed away but now I have to be alone. Without a final plea nor a person to aid this fear of mine.

If only I were a girl, the road Im gonna take will be easy but seeing that I am a boy, this road seem so unsure to me. Im going to take Early Childhood in Higher Nitec & it will take me two years to complete it. If Im lucky I will finally be posted to Poly for three years taking the same course but if Im really Lucky, it will only take me two years in poly taking a different course (Child Psychology & Early Education). After which I will & must be enlisted in NS. And then I would hope to plead to MOE so that I may go to NIE to be a teacher or a counselor at least.

This may be a good plan but being me I always look at the glass as being half empty. I mean what if I cant to ITE this year itself but next year, it is as well wasting my life. And if I do get this year what if I dont do well in ITE & cant get posted to poly. And if I do get posted, what if it turns out to be a bad choice. & worse I cant do anything wit the diploma or training that I get.

It is always "What If's" to me. And not only that, I have to lose the only friends that I have for 11 years, each living & going to their own direction in life, I will be left alone. To be frank, Im not a big fan to changes.

I dont even know whats my purpose by doing this & typing my woes on the net, its not like ppl will hear or comfort me. I know that to some I am going through what they have or is going through...

Yan danced till dawn at 8:34 AM