Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I quited my job because the pay is low. I know that part of it is my fault. I am lazy to look for customers & that I dare to admit.
But....
My family dont understand me at all. I know that times are bad. We are lacking in money but that does not mean they can rub salt to my wound. Its already three days now that I've given them the cold shoulder.
But am I mad at? Am I mad at them, my family? or should I be mad at the company that I worked for? or am I just mad at myself? That, I dont know, but what I know is that, I am longing for company. Not by my family or friends but of God.
God has long abandon me...whether he is still here or not, I dont know.
Next week, I will be getting my results. If I passed, I will be happy as hell. But if I fail, This cold shoulder will only be colder & I might commit suicide!
Right now, I really cant face my friends nor my family. ashamed? but ashamed of what? I cant face sab for she is mad at me. I cant face dila & nas for they know who I am. I cant face win & tiqah because of the job. I cant face my own family for the shame that I've brought to them because to them, I am labeled as "anak-kurang-ajar", "muka macam songotan babi" and "bodoh".
And I cant face the world because of the many mistakes, that I had done & will do in the future. I feel like running away, I wanna die but this heart is weak that I blame myself for who I am...
Yan danced till dawn at 1:38 AM
