Toady, we had our phototaking, and it was taking too long. I hate taking photos but when i see pictures of my friends together, it never failed to make me jealous....Haha! Blame it all on me!!!
I have this weird feeling that ppl are looking at me in a weird way. I feel lost. Sad. I just had a chat with one of my friends and only then did I know that I am super sensitive(I bet ppl knows that already). Everytime, my friends shout at me(playing or not), I feel hurt, and thoughts of them leaving me is scary.
"MY FRIENDS ARE MY ENCOURAGEMENT" ,but it feel so sad when they will do the totally opposite, makes me discourage.
Like I said, they are the center of my lifes and afterwhich comes my family and the truth is that:
I don't want my friends to leave me. I know that I've told some that I can survive being alone,I'm used to it,without friends but.............those memories is so hurtfull that if they come back, it will turn me mad.
I never want them to go, thats why I'm always sensitive with my friends. Another reason I'm close to my friends is that.........I'm not realy that close to my family like what ppl thought I am. I always feel comfortable with my friends. I wish to turn to god, but he can hear me(Duh!) but I can't(Double Duh!)...I want a voice that encourage me, to advise me, to love me...but god can only love me and show me the way, no voice will ever come out of him.
I'm a boy, a normal boy. Not popular, neither the less. I cloak myself with braveness, stubborness and ignorant but deep inside, I'm weak, meek as a mouse.
I have a heart, I love those who love me and pray that ppl who hate me will love me. I'm afraid to give away my heart, For no other taker can heal the uncured.
This is my biggest fear, and I have another, and I'm sure, if I'm weak, another big fear will haunt me.
Yan danced till dawn at 7:13 AM
