Arwen Orwens

Happy Birthday

2011-09-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since I blog & I just dont knoe where to start but since I want to start a new... how bout we about three days ago, during the F1 period... Hahas...

On the 23 of September, I started to work as a Gate Official during the F1 season and just yesterday, I completed it... I work for three days there & despite the weather, and me becoming tan which I hate alot!!! It was an enjoyable experience & it was certainly fun... Made new friends & they are nice

And today is my Birthday!!! Yeah... well, not really... Hahas...
Nothing much happened today but got lots of well wishes from fb frens :) well, its teh thoughts that counts hahas, but I really appreciate it as it made my day...

Im trying to make a bet on myself... I will not rant about my hurtful loveless life... I'm gonna say goodbye to all who used me & who thinks that Im not worth for them... Gonna live w/o sex & try to live a happy & clean life... well, cheers, will probably blog for about a mth frm nw :)

HAPPY 19 BIRTHDAY YAN...

If You Ever Read This...

2011-06-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

The Words That I Cant't Bring To Tell You
Saturday, 11 June 2011 2.29am

You don’t know how much I’ve loved you. You don’t know of how much I’ve yearned for you. You don’t know of how much I care for you. You don’t know of how much I've missed you. You know, when you suddenly went M.I.A. that time, I was not only worried for losing a friend, but I’m also worried of losing someone I love. I didn’t expect to fall for you for such a short time & it is ridiculous to me for have falling for you whom I know deep in my heart that you will never love me back. Its heart aching to know that I’ve dug my own grave for knowing that you will never love me and yet I risk it despite knowing.

I don’t know why I’ve fallen for you but it just happen. And I’ve been wanting to tell you so much but I don’t have the courage to do so. Scared that I will lose you. But now, looks like I’ve lost you forever and it happened even without me telling you of how I truly feel about you. I’ve lose you to someone who is far more better than me, who has actually captured your heart and what did you say? There is a word that you use of how much you have fallen for him.

You know, I’ve been crying myself to sleep every time I think about you. Stupid huh? But it happened. And after so long for not meeting you, when you tell me of your adventures, I actually got jealous. I wish I was them being with you. I hated the 17 year old boy who’s with you. I hated those houses that you paid too. But all I could do is smile. And be happy for what you have experienced and enjoyed.

And after so long of waiting, you finally invited me over and your touched... God, your touch gives me great relieved. It’s like you are my ecstasy. I was high and it was only for a few moments. Though I never show it, but I was so happy & glad to have actually seen you and to have you by my side. I was happy, very happy. Very, very happy.

And then you disappeared. You say that you were busy with work and stuff. And I, yes I believed you. But little did I know that you have actually fallen in love with someone else. And you never know of how much I’m shattering inside and trembling outside. I was dumbfounded. Yes, I was dumbfounded by you. Need you ask why? Can’t you tell by how I change in my typing so fast, can’t you tell of how I’ve been acting lately, after your M.I.A.? Can’t you tell?

I am so upset, so jealous, so hurt, and so heartbroken. I’ve waited for you and here you are telling me that you are attached to someone. And so for the past few weeks that you’ve been gone, you are actually having lunch with your partner, kissing your partner, having your partner in bed, and actually working out for your partner. And Lord I swear, I am far beyond words to describe how I feel. And dare you ask me "what’s wrong? / Am I okay?" Can’t you tell? That I do not know what to say because I have finally lost. I’ve lost you. And all I can do now is smile. I have to smile because I don’t want to lose you as a friend now that I have lost you as a "lover" I have to be happy for you. And I have been repeating it over and over again because I don’t know what to say. All I say is "I’m happy for you." And being happy for you is all I can do =)

Despair or Happiness?

2011-05-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

Days have been kind to me lately but I dont know if Im happy about it or actually sad for it? No link to what I wanna blog but who cares...

Seeing people in a relationship makes me sad and makes me feel down. Be them straight, gay or bi, I just feel sad because one, I know I wont be in a relationship soon. And two, well, Im the least attractive guy and admit it, would you be attracted to me? Dont say "Hey, there will be people who will be attracted to you!!!" but hello, if there will, you will be the first one.

I know it looks like Im complaining but what am I suppose to do? Sit down and contemplate about things, but for how long? I know there are millions out there who are still single till a ripe old age, but I really feel intimidated when I see people younger then me having a relationship.

I'm a person who have a very low self esteem, that, I will gladly admit it, but, how do I fix it? & what ever advice you may throw me, it is easier said then done. I have acne & acne scars & to top it, Im dark & I have curfews... who wud wanna date me? Im sure guys wouldnt want to date someone whom they will only see for once a week or in two weeks (Believe me, been there, done that) & Im pretty sure, girls wouldnt like it either.

But then again, whom am I to judge my own fate or destiny in getting myself into a relationship? If people dont like me, its ok, but cant we at least be friends? Hahas... ooh well, different people, different taste, but Im in desperate need for real friends... & right now, Im just not sure if my friends are actually what I think they are???

Problems after problems, worries after worries, when will all of this ends? I just feel sad for myself for being such a total complaining bitch and such a cry baby who always makes small things into big ones... Who am? like seriously!!!

...

2011-03-07T04:30:00.001-08:00

...

Samhain

2010-10-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween evryone!!! This is a time where ghost & gouls comes out at night & witches cast their spells for trick-or-treating... hahas... well, its a scary day of the year where ppl celebrate it not only with fear but with fun & entertainment. Now let me briefly explain to you what Halloween or Samhain is truly about.

Samhain(pronounced Sow-in, Sah-vin, or Sahm-hayn), known most popularly as Halloween, marks the end of the third and final harvest, is a day to commune with and remember the dead, and is a celebration of the eternal cycle of reincarnation. Samhain (once again Halloween) is the most coveted sabbat by the Wiccan (and many Pagan) religions.

In the European traditions, Samhain is the night when the old God dies, and the Crone Goddess mourns him deeply for the next six weeks. The popular image of her as the old Halloween hag menacingly stirring her cauldron comes from the Celtic belief that all dead souls return to her cauldron of life, death, and rebirth to await reincarnation.

Halloween, plain and simple is our favorite time of year. A true time for witches, Witchcraft itself, and Wiccans alike who feel that on this night the separation between the physical and spiritual realities is it's least guarded and it's veil the thinnest. It is a time for dimensional openings and workings, it is a somber holiday, one of dark clothes and thoughts for the dead, it is said to be the time when those of necromantic talents can speak with the dead and it is certainly a time to remember ones own dead. Witches believe it is a time of endings of relationships and bad situations and it is the time when one can see the glimmer of hope in the future. There are as many concepts attached to this holiday as any other, truly a time of remembrance of our ancestors and all those who have gone before.

extracted from: http://www.witchway.net/halloween.html

Life b4 YOG Hols

2010-08-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

Life has been kind to me lately, well praise the lord for it. (even though I worry for nothing)

I've been asking myself this qns, am I unattractive?Unapprochable?Undesirable?(cheyba)...hahas...well I want to change things but some things are just decided by strangers alike.

Frens in ITE is cool & sute & sexy(hahas...lols...) they are the one tat I wish to be wit in sch though sometimes I cant get my own way...I still get loads of fun, since now my goal in life, is to have fun & be forever yan(young) hahas...

Glory???Recently, my class won a mascot comp & it was worth a mill... Love the hardwork that they put in & love the way they roll...

Studies??? well my course is abit strict but hey, my sec sch is worst!!! hahas...lols...so i can get through, since Im the one who used to think that disipline is evrything...anywho, examinations is coming & I pray to god tat we all will pass with flying colours!!! heck! with Flying Comets arh!!! hahas...lols...

Teachers??? I dare say that they are diff from sec sch & love the way they do things for us. Like I say they do things differently though I hate changes but HEY!!! thats life, & life is not a bed of roses(love em so much)... They are cool & hip & we are gonna be like them... model for our career in future to be!!!

Conflict??? hmm...well, theres here & there, but wat can I(or we) do??? Quarrels & misunderstanding are meant/bound to happen & if u don accept it, boohoo to you. Because life is about adapting & changing & that is wat Im doing rite now!!! The world is diff from ur world...why want to change it when you can have best of both worlds!!!

Wat else can I say??? Love? hahas... joke from the heavens? hahas... I search & seek, they search & seek... eyecandy appear, some go far, some remain stagnant & some, well idk heartbroken? hahas... For me, if it meant to be, it'll happen coz I hate waiting and I get tired of playing games...tis department is where I leave the spirits to play wit...hahas...

For now, examination is in mind & failing is not desired... I pray for the "safety" of my class & to pass. ICA 2010, We can do it!!! Jia You!!!

2010-08-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I've blog, & this is certainly not a good time either...hahas...

Yea ITE life is fun, at least in the course Im in that is. Friends & ppl are diff & I had difficulty adjusting myself to the situation. hahas...well...tats me rite??? hahas...

Made good friends wit L. , T. , H. , W. , and others even K. frens hahas...lols...

If I say that I like someone or some"two", what would ppl say? 'Coz I dont noe if ppl will accept it. They are cute & nice but the problem is that I dare not say a word or two to them. Why? well, Im shy by nature, especially in meeting nwe ppl. I nid them or someone to get the ball rolling & maybe BAM! Im urs...hahas...lols...

If only it is that easy, I turn, I see, I glance, I peep & either one will always be there. Even though it is for a second, I would think that they are looking at me...(but I reli don noe who they are looking at la) It reli makes my heart pounce.

How I wish we could talk & eye-contact & hmm...IDK touch hands or wat??? hahas...lols...look at me, blushing rite now...hahas...

But the thing is tat Im pretty sure tat one of them is interested in mua, & I wan em to approach me...but den again, I fear that it is just a dream happening(perasaan) hahas...lols... ooh well, If its true, I pray tat u come to me... If not, I'll try to kill myself slowly ok!!! hahas...lols...

I have no friends...

2010-04-16T04:21:00.000-07:00

I think people view me as a cold human being who doesnt like to make new friends...
But I beg to differ...
I have a problem in making new friends & I dont really socialised well...
& due to this, ppl thinks that I am an anti-social guy who hates everything & anything...
But I cant help it, I really cant do it or let alone make the first move...
Help me please!!!...
Someone!!!
Im already depressed as it is as I've no friends...
In my mind now keeps thinking that ppl has labeled me as the anti-social loner...
Well Im NOT!!!
Im just kinda boring...literally...

I Am Not A Terrorist

2010-04-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

I've just watched the hindi movie: "My Name Is Khan, I Am Not A Terrorist." and this is what inspired me to blog about.

In this world, there is only two types of person, a good human being & a bad human beings. In this characteristic, it leaves no place for Religion. It is all about the attitude of the human beings. I say this because, we always look down on this that we fail to understand & also afraid of. eg. the blacks are looked down by the whites in the past, just because they are black, the whites thinks that they are filthy & are not recognized as an equal of them, if you look whitin your atmosphere, there will be others who look down upon other races, just like what I encountered in my past, where the chinese accidently insult an indian or malay for being black, as a joke. another example is happening today...

The muslims and their religion Islam is looked down and even given the title of terrorist. Again, I would like to emphasized that ppl do this because they failed to understand. Yes, I do agree with ppl that most terrorist are muslims, but I would like to say also that "Most Muslims, are NOT Terrosrist."

This happens why? Terrosrist are led to believe in a belief system whereby the world should be ruled anew, be it due to religion, animosity, hatred et cetera.
However, in the case of JI or whatever their organization may be, they are led to believe that Islam should rule the world and that is why, Indonesia, Iraq are various countries, each has this organisation to carry out that aim.

And this led the world to believe that the religion Islam is the cause of this bombings & killings. Islam however is actually the opposite of what the world has been led to believe...look around you dear human beings, look for those muslims, try to understand them, some may smile at you, some may hate you & some, will just shy away from you...now why is this so?

Thos who smiled, are trying to show that they are not a Terrorist. Those who show hatred, is because they are angry because you faild to understand them. & for those who shy away, is either they are regretfull of what their muslim brothers did or they are fearfull that you will show some anger that they dont really understand.

What Im trying to say is that, just because of some hundred muslims terrorist, why must other muslim that goes by the billions suffer? Why must the whold flock of sheep be slauhtered just because of one black sheep?

Like the previous paragraph, we must not be measued by our religion or race or what ever we may possessed, Instead we must be measured by our character, or "good or bad" so be said. I am a muslim, & I may not be a good one, but I am led to feel the pain of my brothers & sisters who suffer at the hands of ppl who failed to understand...

For those who are faithfull(addressing all religions), do not judge us merely becuase of the accident of 9/11, pls judge us by the goodness of our heart, if we talked it out, you can very well see that we muslims are not that supportive of those terrorist who call war for the reason of jihad.
&
For my muslim brothers & sisters, DO NOT SUPPORT those terrorist, instead of believing in their words, look down on the quran & u may see that God does NOT support them either. instead, be ever more strong in your IMAN, & support your so called Kafir brothers & sisters in fighting the Terrorist.

I am Yan, & I am not a Terrorist.

DESICIONS...

2010-01-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

Now I know what it means when people say that "life is unpredictable."

All my life I hav always dreamed of going to Poly & tahe the course that I want & after doing so, pursue my life in a career that is so dear to me. Now after finally opening my results slip I do not know what to expect or predict anymore. ITE is the last option that I have in mind & not only that, I dont even know its procedure nor what it has instore for me.

To me, ITE is a place for the hooligans. And me being a vulnerable human baing myself, I dont even know what to do. All my life I hav always depended on my family & so much to my friends, I always stick to them like a rash that is stubborn to be washed away but now I have to be alone. Without a final plea nor a person to aid this fear of mine.

If only I were a girl, the road Im gonna take will be easy but seeing that I am a boy, this road seem so unsure to me. Im going to take Early Childhood in Higher Nitec & it will take me two years to complete it. If Im lucky I will finally be posted to Poly for three years taking the same course but if Im really Lucky, it will only take me two years in poly taking a different course (Child Psychology & Early Education). After which I will & must be enlisted in NS. And then I would hope to plead to MOE so that I may go to NIE to be a teacher or a counselor at least.

This may be a good plan but being me I always look at the glass as being half empty. I mean what if I cant to ITE this year itself but next year, it is as well wasting my life. And if I do get this year what if I dont do well in ITE & cant get posted to poly. And if I do get posted, what if it turns out to be a bad choice. & worse I cant do anything wit the diploma or training that I get.

It is always "What If's" to me. And not only that, I have to lose the only friends that I have for 11 years, each living & going to their own direction in life, I will be left alone. To be frank, Im not a big fan to changes.

I dont even know whats my purpose by doing this & typing my woes on the net, its not like ppl will hear or comfort me. I know that to some I am going through what they have or is going through...

2009-10-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

And here we are on our last day of school. This should be posted yesterday but Im too tired to do so...hahas

The first day of school, everyone was anxious on whos gonna be our form teacher, but soon smiles & worried faces poped out wen we heard who it was. It is not only about familiarization but also the expectations that we are to adhered to.

But it all went well. If there were to be cliques in our class it will be 5N1, the geeks, the drama queens, the tabla-kings, the dancers, etc were all together, for me I was amazed that I get to know ppl whom I've nevr talked to for 4yrs. We bonded, but not the really close bond, we talked with one another, asked qns etc but I know at least we talked & had fun even with one whom we nevr know b4.

Celebrations & festivity is celebrated with great joy, Class bonding, CNY, NDP, Racial Harmony, there are just too many photos of memories. Some wouldnt agree with me but be it bitterness or sweetness, what we have went through is one & many lessons that we take from this class. There are fights, disagreements but these are just the few things that made my class memorable.

The teachers were all kind & heart-warming and generous, however we were not that kind to them. We have our own way to show our mischievousness to them, & the rest of the level, sometimes we listened, sometimes we dont, sometimes we are somewhere in the middle. The unique thing about my class is that we always make our form teacher angry, infact we could almost kill her.

Eventhough, we still get close to her, this certain closeness is how we idolised her, shes the perfect figure of what a teacher is. For 3 yrs with her & 5yrs being in Beatty is a joy to be held. I still remembered in Sec1 of how much we hated her & even gave her a nickname but now, all we wanted to be is just like her, her style of teaching & respect that she deserves.

I cant believe that this is our last & final year, how much we will miss this school who have fashioned us into what we are now. But hey this is only my story, what about the others?

2009-10-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

Stress & Random ... ... ... (YOU, pls do read)

For this past week alot has passed, celebrations, festivity, relationships & accident. And not forgetting, O-levels coming up this month...

Im just too tired to face anything...it is all too confusing.

Hari Raya has just passed but the feeling of its festivity still stays, ppl start to come to our houses for 'siratul-rahim'. Entertaining the guest is not as easy as it seems... I have to put up my best behaviour and smile least ppl will tink my mum did not teach me much...

My brother just had an accident, pretty devastating but Im not worried, I know that he will be ok, besides, God still favours him, my late grand-dad does, etc...

A relationship should be put on hold for too long, lest the other partner will run away. But how do we keep it strong even though of the heptic schedule? When one is busy, the other is free & vice versa, do we need to compromise? but how? Please you decide...

Now I have to start on my revision, impromtu... but how could I when my mind & heart is elsewhere. I do not mind the situation but Im the type of person who always gets worried, if its not work, I will be worrying the other's feelings or thinking...

The is that I have great difficulty in expressing my feelings, ppl will say that I am inhuman but what can I do... blame it all of my past which made me this sober... But I still feel deep in this heart, I have feelings, I have intuition...

So Please Say It Out... I know That You Have Something To Say... I Have A Bad Feeling About Something, So Please Say The Truth, I'd Rather Get Hurt Then Being Deceive Or Being Kept In The Dark...

I want the relationship to last, pls don break it up... ... ...

Happy Birthday to mua....

2009-09-28T04:32:00.000-07:00

I know that it is late but I just wanna share this with the world hahas.

On Saturday 26 September 2009, I just celebrated my birthday, yeah Ive got to live to see another year(Thank you Lord) !!! This year I am 17 years old, don wan old la... This year I am 17 years of age (just one more year to my initiation) hahas. The thing is that Im younger den my frens so I get to be the baby amongst them... yng lain dah jadi nenek2 & mak2 hahas.

On that nite, I celebrated my birthday at my block wit win & tiqah, so sweet of them to come down to give me mua presents & cake.... whee....

Anyways, I got these presents... so sweet of them & very much appreciated. Thank you, you guys, love you lots...

This is from sab, kiki, dila, ella & pato... (look Im donald)

This is from winnie & tiqah (got letters too, but too messy to show hahas)

& this is part2 of present from tiqah & winnie. (isnt she cute? she got blue eyes)

& of course those peeps from facebook...so sweet of them... thx u guys!!!

Wedding ...

2009-08-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

I just went to JB; M'sia, for my big brothers wedding and it was spectacular. I was pretty much exposed to my cultures which I have long disposed. I have been to such things but this feels like new to me for I havent been to a proper wedding since I cant even remember.

Befor the actual day, my grandmother consulted a medium or medicine-man, which is of our own race, then, he did a simple calculation of wat time the groom is sopposed to leave the house to go to the brides house & on which direction, are the couple supposed to seek blessings from the parents & inlaws.

Also during, the wedding, 'batu-lesung' or a mortar is supposed to be put in boiling water (this means that, the gas must be put on forever) , this is to prevent rain from pouring & an old traditional lamp is to be lighted and put in the back corner of the house until the whole occasion ends, this is so that there wont be mosquitoes( this I will explain later)

There are 5 tents, the first is put up for the 'pelamin' or throne, where the bride & groom will sit. the rest(4) of the tent is set for the guest to eat. beside one of the tent, there is a small tent, that is used for cooking etc. Now, boyanese (or any malay culture) loves the spirit of togetherness, so 4 days or before the wedding, close relatives & friends will come together to help up in the cooking, gift wrapping etc, this is where the lamp is set to place, because they will be gathering till late at night & will be sleeping there, the lamp is suppose to prevent mosquitoes from chasing them away. Hahas...

On the day, My bro & sis-in-law, came to the village accompanied by the sound of compangs (ppl beating the trad. drum to call upon the arrival of someone impt). They walked all the way to the fron of the tent where they will be seated on chairs. Silat masters (which is of course of our own family) will then show off or display their skills to the couple & gatherers, this is to show that no matter what, the family or relatives is always supportive of their decision.

Then they will be ushered to the throne. There, they will be blessed by families & friends & will have a photo session. Followed by the cutting of the cake & 'makan-berdamai' or harmony-eating. This is where the parents of the groom will sit beside the bride & like wise the other. They will eat together, a symbolism of peace & harmony between two families.

After much stuff, the couple will leave the place... Hahas, no honeymoon yet, my bro & sis, went to the lake & took photos & after which, they will change their costumes & greet other members....

It was really fun because I get to order around because im the grooms lil-bro...Hahas & i get to be my own camera-man where the photos will be send to Indon for relatives there to see & I get to lost my voice for shouting alot... Hahas ....ok done...

Random

2009-06-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have this idea, taken from craftywytch. I wanna have a 100-Day-Challenge. Starting from 1st July onwards.

The challenge will be in pushing & I mean forcing myself to study, pray, meditate, get close to nature & play in a schedulized manner. This will exclude school activities, friends activities & family activities (well, atleast I can use these as my play-time)

The aim is to get closer to god & mother-nature. The most important is to study hard for a possible brighter future(the one that I have always dreamt about). Also to get myself healty in the mind & teach me to schedule things.

I know that this will be hard but I really nid to do this as I am really desperate to pass my O-levels & also learn my craft & at the same time make my mum happy in knowing my own religion(well, at least its good for me). This time, only me can help myself then maybe, God can budge-in(YOU hear that GOD!!!).

Pray ppl, pray, hope I can achieve this moment of importance in my life, & in return, I'll always pray for you (huh! Like I never like tat).

Mua!!! Me!!! Aku!!! Saya!!! Wo!!!! Ich!!!

2009-06-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

I dont even know what I am doing these days!!! All I want to do is sleep, relax & do nothing at all!!! God!!! Am I slacking again??? Hope not...but it is obvious, aint it?

I said that I wanna study & meditate but all I ended up doing is pray & read my newly bought book (Wicca). All I wanna do is hide from others. I dont even want to even go out & play let alone been invited out (I dont hear any invitation).

My guess is that all my friends are studying & having the fun of their life. Good job guys!!! Hope U'll pass ur exams.
Me? I think my life will change forever. I am sober and it is not as though I am hating it, in fact, I liked it & I wanna it to remain that way!!! Peace within my own world without the peace of outside gain.

Do mind me!!! I have no idea what I am talking about. Well its not as though anyone is gonna read this!!!

SICK!!!

2009-05-31T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'll try to make tis short coz Im really sick.

Yesterday, I had malay-class with R. , M. , A. , N. , S. and Ms F. H. & A. didnt come because one got something on while the other was lazy!!! I don care much but den Dr A. invited us to her class to have a meal. It is an indian food and it taste really nice!!! (Recipe pls, Hahas)

Den after class, Ms F. treated us to Swensen. We had a nice time & we meet F. She is working there & she serve us. After that me & S. meet U. and we went to skygarden and there we meet B. , WT. , HT. & R.

Den I went home & slept. At night, my family & I went to JB and stayed in my big bros house for the nite coz the next day my lil bro will be circumcised. And I saw the waxing-moon being red, Is it an omen? Well it was coz, at 12 midnite, I suddenly came down with a high fever!!! GOD!!!

The next day which is today, we went to my grandma's house in JB. I was really sick and I slept for the whole day. I even missed my lil bros circumcision... After the whole thing we went home (Home sweet home!!)

At home, I wore jacket and put and very thick blanket & slept, My fever did come down abit but still sick... tats all...

POP for the 2nd time

2009-05-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

Well, today was a fun day. The sec5 batch which includes N. , S. , J. and me had our 2nd and very last Passing Out Parade(POP) today.

It was not as emotional as last year as this year was mainly for the sec4's. However, it was our last parade, our career in being a Senior NCO is officially over. We had our last parade, a very long one actually as The sec4's are being promoted and J. got his 1st-class-drill batch (huh! soo jealous!!!). Den we bersurai, and I throw my beret alot of times, haha. that was the day!!!

Den the performance was a blast. The sec1s was soo cute, the girls was singing while the boys was dancing "crazyly" and I mean it. Den the sec2s & 3s prepared a video, was nice but not as nice as our POP video, hahas.

J.H. , Y.J. , W.S. , and other seniors came to watch their beloved squad passed out. Damn, they look soo different!!! Den I was bored, no one to talk to (as usual) so S. , N. and me went home for the last time from NPCC.

Farewell NPCC, miss ya lots!!! ; )

Mas Selamat & message to all.

2009-05-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

Thank the Lord of the heavens. Syukur Alhamdullilah.

Mas Selamat has finally been caught by the Malaysian forces. I always hated that guy. It is because of ppl like him that, Islam & Muslim get a bad name.

Its like, what is your point of killing innocent ppl? You want to be a martyr? Sorry bangat deh. I hope you ppl will be burn in HELL!!! I mean, Why would god give you the highest honour to go to heaven when you are doing the biggest sin in the Quran. I think God would rather put these innocent kafir ppl who has been killed by you JI's in heaven and give them the highest honour to burn you in hell.

God is all-fair, He is wise. He created the many numbers of kafirs & muslims for a reason. It is not in your hands to kill these poor kafirs. Blood has tainted your hands more then rewards being showered upon your shoulders.

Enough ranting. Message to all Muslims, please do not support these kind of people!!! They are just sick in theior mind. Even the psycologist can tell you that there is something wrong with their brain. We can make the world better rather then having war. Please open your eyes, ppl are trying to save the world now. Trying to save poor animals from being tortured. Saving endangered species. Giving rights to women-kind; having equal opportunities for all mankind. etc...

Why would you pass this chance of beauty for I dont know, a manics dream!!!

Life

2009-04-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

Life is a beautiful thing.

But Life can also bring us to our miseries.

I do not know why, but I feel as though there is something missing in my life right now.

(NO, its not love, believe me, I've been looking and certainly to no avail)

I know that I am not the most or very or a popular guy in school, let alone class, but that have been no problem to me. D. is labeled for his cuteness. E. is labeled as the 'ang-mo' girl. The indian boys as The indian boys. etc.

But I am labeled as the 'gay', soft, watever name u can think of.

Right now, I really feel as though there is something missing.

Its as though there is some secret that is shared among ppl and they don wan to tell me. Am I an .........?

I can see ppl are getting closer to another. Ppl are controling one another. Ppl change. Ppl improve.

But WHAT DO I Have? Ppl tell me that Im sweet, nice, etc. but am I? Or is it that you just want to make me feel something that I don noe?

..................urgh...........wtf.............

I wonder if I can just keep things to myself? Ppl wont care anyway. They have their own problems, & Im sure that it is more important then mine.

I will just 'help' them, laugh at my own problems, run away from it & if they (problems) do catch up, I'll just run futher away.........

Ppl wont care, & its certainly I dont either......

Time...Stress

2009-04-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

Hais.... Time flies, new problems arrived & old problems are solved. However not all old problems may be solved, some are there to stay.

I feel frustrated on myself (wonder if that is a wrong use of words?). I either voluntarily get myself in trouble or IT just come to me voluntarily. I know that my troubles are not that worse compared to the children of the world; some are hungry, orphaned, abandoned, tortured, etc. But.........

I know what kind of advice to be use as to solve my problems but I dont take advice really well. It just pissed me off, its as though my troubles are here to stay. And no Freewill, it has nothing to do with my family!!!

If only I know who you are, I would tell you all my troubles & problems for you to solve (and not to spread). Right now, I need my friends & family, but I feel that, that is not enough. I need something more.

Mid-yr is coming down fast & not to mention O-levels. I have no motivation to study. Seeing E. , D. , evryone studying makes me envy of them but I dont have their will to put up with this rubbish (well, maybe not entirely). I sleep, I eat, I slack. Its as though all facts & senses are knocked out of me.

I dont have the will to study. The winds refuse to obey me. I eat alot. Argh!!! I swear if these are signs of stress, I will kill myself & get myself to oblivion!!!

Lobe-Piercing

2009-04-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Today, finally, I had my lobe pierced. There was tension everywhere (at least felt by me anyway). I know that it is no big deal but it is my first time and my family of course will not allow it.

N. , A. , U. , E. & S. followed me to the shop, God, my heart is beating damn fast la. Then, in the shop the lady used a gun to pierced my lobes and that made me look foolish!!! There was no pain at all!! And I can swear that!!!

Then after the piercing, followed S. to popular then S. followed me to the library (I dont want to go home just yet). Then around 4.30 we went home. Instead, I went to look for my god-sis, A. and she helped me to change the ear-stud to a ear-stick.

OMG, there's blood everywhere!!! Pain? no, just tingling sensation. My PE-shirt was stained from the shoulders to the bottom(luckyly, I didnt wear my Sch-U.)
Sorry A. for staining ur hand with my blood!!! Thats another thing, we dont get it, Why do I have so much blood on my ear?

HIS Will...

2009-03-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

" Great is the will of God. That Death knows no limit. Peace be upon those who has returned to his creator " -Assakhtian-

Recently, my family has been plague by many a death that will be remembered & surely hard to forget. From last year till this date, my grandaunt, grandfather, granduncle, uncle and just recently, my cousin has returned to the Lord.

What I truly learned today (which last time, I was skeptic) is that death may knock at our door at anytime & of course at any age. The youngest to go back to the Lord is my cousin, P. age 20+. Taken by Azrael in a freak-accident.

How devastated were his parents whom rely on him as he is their only son. The tears of his mother & aching of his father, the despair of his sisters can never be repaid for this soul so pure and innocent.
I am not close to him, but I know him. A handsome young man he is and a very good son, he helped his sister & mother around the house, a very quiet person. Also a fresh-graduate working very hard to provide food for his family.

Today, my perfumed-necklace smelled incredibly strong, the smell struck all the way up to my brain(I was suffocated by it). The necklace is a small bottle filled with 7small moon & bloodstone poured with rose-essence. Usually, the smell will just be faint but today it is so strong(& im sure tat it is corked very thightly), is it a sign that i didnt realise till later but carrying on.

When all this happened, we will ask God, is this fair? Many future lies ahead and he just lie on YOUR lap suddenly! But we as humans must always remember that we have no control over death, but it is not over, it is just a begginning.

Im sorry I cant continue... but do heed this words.
"When a door closes, another will open."

LOST!!!

2009-03-25T06:03:00.000-07:00

This is so fucking irritating!!! I lost my anklet!!! God!!!

Its my favorite la!!! I brought it from perth as a memory of the trip. Furthermore it has my name, YAN on it with 6 black-blessing beads!!!

Anyone who sees it, PLEASE return it to me...you will have no idea how much I will be gratefull to ya!!!

And till then, I'll make a new one in replacement. My ankle feel uncomfortable without the presence of its thight "string"

If only _ knows!

2009-03-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

If only _ knows!

If only _ knows.
If only _ knows, then my dreams wont be just a dream.
If only _ knows, then love has finally proven itself to be true.
If only _ knows, then only will I be able to sleep peacefully in replace of those restless nights.
If only _ knows, then will I no longer be lonely in path thats been tread.
If only _ knows, then the moon will no longer spend its night in solitude.
If only _ knows, then water thats drunk will be as sweet as wine.
If only _ knows, then the breast will expand and I will no longer be afraid.
If only _ knows...

As'sakhtian Arwen Orwens

Likes or Obssessed?

2009-03-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! I tink Im obssessed or something!! Or is it just likes? Hmm....

I tink I'm into football(rugby) especially when it is the AFL in Australia. I noe that I hate sports and I am even weak at it but this one, I cant deny saying that I love it so much!!!
I tink I like the german language!! Ich(I) just want to learn Deutsh(German) and just in Deutsh to menschen(ppl).
I tink I also like Koreans... I like their culture. Very vibrant. I like their dramas too which includes "Jewel in The Palace" & "Hwag Jini"
This, I cant deny either. I am obssessed in getting fairer again!!! I wan to fit-in in my family colour!!! My family are fair & I am the only one who is dark. Thus, I stray away from the eyes of camera!!!
I tink my life of living is getting more expensive!!! I noe that I cant afford expensive goods but I will shuned away from cheap goods and instead I will look for a more expensive items!!! Hais..

So you tell me!!! What should I do???

I DON NOE

2009-03-05T04:42:00.001-08:00

I AM TRUELY SORRY BUT I WONT BE GIVING ANY ADVISE IN THIS BLOG!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was.....a I don noe how to explain. M.J. was really mad with our class... but I wont be posting it here because I noe that there will be somebody with the name freewill will be prying and giv this info to M.J.

But the thing that I want to stress here is friendship.

What good is there if you say to somebody that you are a friend to them but you never honour your word? The ans: A COWARD!!!

A. was right. You tell ppl that you are a good friend to them but the moment when they are in trouble or when they need us most, we back ourself up and refuse to stand by them.

You wanna noe who tat person is? well its me. How dare I call myself a true friend to somebody but never be there wen they need it. I always think of myself that I am a good person, a saint who is always willing to listen to ppls trouble and will always be there for my friends, but it turns out wrong!!!

I am exactly the opposite... I nevr cared! I nevr even bothered! All along I am only thinking about myself!!! I only cared about getting my skin-colour white and nothing else!!! Even here I am ranting about myself!!! How selfish can that be?!?!

I noe that A. is not scolding me or anything, in fact he is only venting his anger but his words makes me ponder over and over again. I can only smile meekly and accept the truth from him. There he is standing there waiting for his friends to say something but all, Especially me, keep mumed except for B..

Perhaps I am not that a great friend!!! I guess I want to stay away from my friends because I know that I will back up or run away from responsibility of protecting or helping or worse being there for a friend!!! I'm sorry but I guess, I hav to change for the worse!!!

2009-02-23T05:19:00.000-08:00

Word of advise: This is only my personal opinion & I have no intention to upset, discriminate or ostracized anyone.
---------------------------------------------------------
" I will kill anybody who is part of my family, if he or she has a tattoo! ", said my late father (may the lord have mercy on his soul).

This morning in class, we had a debate on tattoo and I personally have nothing against tattoo. I know that tattoo is a form of body art but even if it means losing someone I love, I, myself will not get a tattoo.

From young, I have been taught to not like tattoo. It has been a very strict rule that is imposed within our family. In my own opinion, tattoo has and will always be associated with gangster, rebels, etc. Especially, those chinese or malay or indian who has lots of it, big patches on their body!!!

But if you are someone which fits this category, and you come out to me & chat and be nice with me, I will not hesitate to talk with you back because I like conversation (not really, I only like to listen & debate back! Hahas). Even though of that, I will feel very uncomfortable!!! (but I promise I wont ostrasize you)

But if you are the one who has tattoos to commomerate your lost loved ones or such, then, the more I will have nothing against you but just a word of advise, You could do other things to commomerate such.

I am lucky to be born in this century where ppl are open-minded to such things & that made my mind at ease abit but if you ask me to put on a tattoo, I am so sorry but I have to decline (god knows wat that word means, Hahas).

If my sons or daughters put on tattoos, I will not hesitate to use a knife to scrape the tattoos off or give them a lazer-treatment that will make them suffer. But if it is my spouse, I will have no regret if you do hav tattoos (old one that is), but I will encourage them not to put anymore and hopefully not to teach our kids to do such things.

Here are some reasons on why I am hesitant or somehow dislike tattoos:

IT IS AGAINTS my religion, & my family rules.
Some tattoos bearer associate themselves with gangster (FYI, I hate gangster).
Yes, tattoos may look nice on your skin when you're young, but it wont look that nice when you grow old.
If not taken properly (actually, even if you did) , you will get infected by god knows what disease.
It is taboo in MANY countries & communities.
If you put a tattoo of your bf or gf's name, what will happen if they ditch you? wouldnt the name will be like rubbing salt to your wound?

But seriously, if you do have a tattoo now, I will not ostrasize you like anything, I will be your friend unless you proof other wise. Peace y'all

2009-02-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

Tired, Bored, Flabeghasted, Exhausted, and all the the words that shares the same "meaning".............

I hav no idea to what I am doing to my life rite now!!! I'm slacking in my studies and I oni want to sleep (funny tat Im not asleep yet)...........................

2moro I got a stupid chem quiz & I havent revised on anything yet!!! God!!!

Thank You!!!

2009-02-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

Argh!!! I love my blog skin now!!! Thank you winnie!!! hahas!!! for those of you who don agree wit me...................erm...................WHO CARES!!!

2009-02-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYBODY!

Valentine's Day is the commemoration of Saint Valentine. The story of a saint who wrote a letter to his companion behind the bars. The story of his execution for helping the christians in the pagan-roman days.

But what is the real meaning behind valentines day today? The ans is all abou L.O.V.E. = Love. We celebrate it with our beloved bf & gf. But don put your hopes down just yet for those of you who have no companions(bf / gf), you can still celebrate it with your families & frens.

Like I always said, Love knows no boundaries, if sky is the limit, then there will be no stars(wat am I talking about!?!) What I'm trying to say is tat, you may be gay or les to be in love, you may be black or white, you may be older or younger; love transcends us all!!!

What is love? This qns has been asked thousands of generation before us & it will continue to be ask after. Even I ask such things. But the ans actually depends on what you are actually asking for? You may ask for the love of ur family, or you may ask for the love of ur frens, or you may ask for true love.

Now, I will ask what will love do to me? Is it real or just a fantasy? And will I able to have it? There are just millions more to ask, alas, I have to be oblivious to it because of my "condition". If I were to hav my true love, will it sweep me off my feet to the realm of fantasy and hope to remain there forever?

But enough about me!!! You must have a very pleasant Valentine! I Hope & wish &... pray that on this day, you my friends will find your true love & find the ans to your qns.

Again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! to you all!!!

Yours Heart-tyly, As'sakhtian Arwen Orwens. ;)

Witch (My Steps)

2009-02-10T02:44:00.000-08:00

I seriously hav no idea on why I want to post this.

I want to be a witch but I dont want to be seen as a witch-wannabe! You might ask isnt a witch for female and male is a wizard? Half true. Those ppl who are descended down by a witch, they will be a witch regardless of their gender. Those ppl who are descended down by a wizard, the male will be called a wizard while the female will be a witch.

Back to what I wanna say,

I don wan to be seen as a witch-wannabe but as a real witch. But I also don wan to be called a witch literaly but merely as a wise-person in dealing with reality/supernatural/cures ... so, I hav a plan.

First: I wan to collect information on demons or ghost or spirits that my culture or race believes in. Added by other culture's superstitions and belief on the supernatural. This is so tat my children will noe wat demon they are dealing with and how to guard against them.
Second: I will learn about herbology. I will learn on wat are the medicinal properties of a plant, how do I use them, how do I plant and take care of them, how to find them in deserted places? My purpose in this is so that, I noe wat plant do I use to cure a certain illness and wat plant do I use for aromatherapy to calm the different emotions and wat plant are healthy to be use in cooking.
Third: I will take a course in pyscology. This I will achieve wen I get to poly. I want to learn and understand the human emotion or wat they are thinking about. I want to read whether they are lying or not, are they hiding secrets, do they want to be help?

By combining all these, I can become a Great Witch. I can noe wen or how to help ppl and have the rest such as herbs, knowledge of the supernatural as backup. Then maybe, if my faith is strong, I will learnt on how to do exorcism, banishing and commanding of spirits and get afew supernatural abilities for myself.

All these infomation will be collected and written down in a book. This book will then be made as a family heirloom and will be pass-down to my chosen heir and will pass-down till the end-of-time.
But wats my purpose? My purpose is because I don wan these knowledge to die down with us. I hav a grandfather who is a massager, even ppl with broken bones, he can cure or straighten the bones back. I hav a granduncle who can see and commune with spirits. I hav a grandaunty who can or knows on how to cure babies and adults in something that we cant do. And it is about time tat they bring down these knowledge to me so tat I may passed it down to my generation to come.

Death

2009-02-08T05:48:00.000-08:00

Death . . .

This morning, I heard the most horrible of news. My uncle (obek)(May god show mercy on him always), passed away. And to add the misery futher, my friend S.'s grandmother(May god show mercy on her always) passed away yesterday too.

Death is a part of life. It may sound bad but we must be brave in facing it all. When a door closes, a new one will open, this tells us tat death is never the end. When we die, we will hav a new life, a life with god. And for those who are still living, wen our love ones are gone, a new life begins and it comes in many ways.

Such as a celebration of a new-born baby in our mist. A new life for us all. And maybe the door of our hearts will open its way to God again.

Do note tat this post is not only for you to read. But also a reminder for you AND me, tat death is enevitable and it is a part of life.

"Humans may plan their lives but, it is God who makes it happen."

What I live for?

2009-02-05T06:22:00.000-08:00

What I live for? What do you live for?

Todays english lesson was an interesting one. So I thought I would share it with you.

I live for Life.
I love to see newborn babies that brings joy to their parents and yet, fear to their siblings that might think that the love of their parents would be divided.
I like to see elderly people in the park, feeding the birds and seeing those elderly people who really appreciate life.
I love to see the leaves falling from the trees to give way for the new leaves.
And I love to see the people of many community givving alms and charity to the poor.
These is life and that is what I live for.

So what do you live for? Is it love? Is it happiness? or is it for those people who strive you to continue? No one in this world can say that they live for nothing- for nothing is something!(Hahas) You may be the most sober of person but there will surely be one thing that you live for.

I like to see the moons radiant light in the night sky. I like to feel the wind blowing in every part of my body. I like to see the patterns of raindrop during rainy-days. All these are my what I live for. From the small chidren to the golden aged, from my fears to my greatest joy. I live for all this and no one can take them away from me.

So, What do you live for?

I swear

2009-02-02T06:20:00.000-08:00

In this time and in this place,
I cut my hands, that blood will flow.
As you will read, for I will swear;
That...

I will collect at least $13 every week to buy things that I wanna own.
To study hard and past my test.
To be oblivious to the word "love".
To change myself to be a "Witch" and semi-"Vampire"(Hahas).
To finish 5 more Anne Rice's novels.
To hold all eight sabbats in mind.
To be sarcastic as Ms J.

And in this words, I type,
For you to see and for me to remember.
Let it be true, for you are my witnesses,
For if it is not achieve, let it called;
The lies of ember!

Valentines Day Message

2009-01-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYBODY!

Valentines 's Day is the commemoration of Saint Valentine. The story of the saint who wrote a letter to his companion behind the bars.

But what is the meaning behind valentines day toady? We celebrate it with our bf & gf. But don put your hopes down for those of you with no companions, you can still celebrate it with your families & frens.

Like I always said, Love knows no boundaries, if sky is the limit, then there will be no stars(wat am I talking about!?!) What I'm trying to say is tat, you may be gay or les to be in love, you may be black or white, you may be older or younger; love transcends us all!!!

What is love? This qns has been asked thousands of generation before us & it will continue to be ask after. Even I ask such things. But the ans actually depends on what you are actually asking for? You may ask for the love of ur family, or you may ask for the love of ur frens, or you may ask for true love.

Now, I will ask what will love do to me? Is it real or just a fantasy? Will I able to have it? There are just millions more to ask, alas, I have to be oblivious to it because of my "condition". If I were to hav my true love, will it sweep me off my feet to realm of fantasy and hope to remain there forever?

But enough about me!!! You must have a very pleasant Valentine. I Hope & wish & pray that on this day, you my friends will find your true love & find the ans to your qns.

Again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! to you all!!!

Yours Heart-tyly,
As'sakhtian Arwen Orwens.

Olde Memories

2009-01-25T04:46:00.000-08:00

My Olde memories are back . . . not that I hate it because something bad happened but it is good. And precisely that it is good that it hurt me soo much. I cant sleep the whole of yesterday night remembering the time when I am so foolishly _ _ - _ _ _ _!!!

The face, the hair, the origin, the height, the attitude & the change of the attitude. It is so damn clear!!! For four years, I've tried to clear these vision, these memories of _ _ _!!! And it just came back to my head in snap of a finger...

If you know who you are, its not that I dont enjoy them but it is the fact that you're not here to be with. But if you despise it, then I appologise. Or just forget about it...

It shouldnt happen, and it shouldnt surface!!! I've never meant to fantasies but I never want to forget. Day by day, I regreted for not giving the letter, for at least I'll know the outcome but now, my feelings is not made known & thus I regreted!!!

Ever since, I've sworn not to like anybody else & I manage it, I was free, I was leased of the burden but not until the darn cupid place it back on my shoulder . . . And for the fact that I am waiting, I will hate myself for liking _ _ _ _ _ _ and will regret it as soon as I leave this school.

Now, I am only forcing myself to like but never the outcome . . . but whatever it is, I will just except it, appologise & leave. And a word or two, at least these never hurt YOU in anyway!!!

funny

2009-01-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

Today, we had fun for lesson. We play games for chemistry and most of us were forfeited to run down the stairs from level 4 to level 1 and up again. Den during english, we played another game.

You may think that we are having fun in Sec5 but the hard part is yet to come. (God, I said tat like the 7th time)

Den its art, went home early because Mr. P nid to go for some course. So me & E. decided to go to Bishan to buy file & go to the Library to do homework.

In the library, something funny happened!!! E. wants to bend down to write something & something pop up...................E. farted!!! Hahas
Luckyly its not smelly!!! Hahas....................Sorry E.

Yule!!!

2008-12-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

...Confession...Profiteor...Beichte...
This years holiday has been a though one, after the perth trip that is!!!

I lost a friend whom I made her mad (as in angry!!! not crazy!!!). I thought not telling is better but I was soooo wrong!!! I'm sorry & I will not do it again!!! I will tell you everything from now on!!! (except of going to the toilet!!!)
I work in a job that is sooo not for me!!! I slacked!!! I can't get customers!!! which results to a low pay (Very low pay!!!)
The low pay made my parents mad (again angry!!!). But it is their fault for noe listening to me carefully!!! Then they start accusing me of not considering or asking properly. They rant at me and call me names that I hate most and will probably stuck in my head for a very very long time!!!
Because of my parents, I give them the cold shoulder!!! why? because I'm mad!!! (this time, as in crazy!!!). I am so obssesive in the names that they call me, that I took it as a life title for myself!!! I lock myself in my room, to avoid them!!! Eat very little or just cook for myself & not eating wat my mum cook.
My relationship with my family is broken, now I feel uneasy around them...I dare not ask for anything from them...I dare not talk to them unless spoken to...I dare not eat with them which results in me eating by myself...& I dont like being around them!!!
I made my 2 trustee friends guilty for me to reveal my darkest secrets (which I thought they are...). Gals I have no regrets in telling, hope u keep it till death!!!
I was worried sick for my results. Which turn out fine!!!

...Also after this bad times, there are good times in between...

In my new job, I found good friends...love them lots!!!
I brought 3 novels about vampires which cheer me up in my room.
I pass my Ns!!! yes!!!

...As you can see, my joy is not that much...I know that I shouldnt complain because there are others who has it worse... I'm sorry if this post makes you sick but I nid to tell someone or make my problems known!!!
But what ever it is, just fuck up and go back!!! No one ask you to read it anyways...

ps. Merry Christmas!!! God bless you all!!! & Happy New Year!!!

N-level results

2008-12-19T04:30:00.000-08:00

It felt like just yesterday that I got my N-level results. No! Wait! It was yesterday!!!

I met up with Ella & Vanessa before going to school. God, they look better den me!!! Den we went to sch, alot of ppl couldnt get tru because Mr S. was keeping guard...long hair, long fringe, coloured hair, etc. all was forbidden to enter the sacred ground of doomsday(results day)

In the hallowed hall, we waiting for our misery to conquer but it went awaste because we got excited wen we see our frens. Especially peiyun, we went ooh we she suddenly sat beside us...

When Mr B. talk, it felt like a century, he made us fell on our knees begging tat our Ns will passed but hey, who wanna do tat!!!

Tis is it, the moment of truth has arrived, wateva happens, I will heck wit it!!! If I passed, I'll go to sec5, but if I fail.....I....I....I....I tink I'll take the navy offer, at least there is pay....

but come back to the moment of truth, .......................................................
.................................................................................................................
......................................................., I passed with not so flying colours.
I got the same aggregate as my prelim, the lucky number 7!!!
But I was sad!!! I got 3 for my MT instead of 2....My art passed as usual(not trying to brag or anything)

So here I will type my horrible marks to you
(ps. I passed my maths!!!!)

English language.........3
Comb. H.....................4
Maths........................5
Sci(Phy/Chem)..........4
Art............................1
Malay........................3
Malay oral.................Distinction

joy?

2008-12-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

I tink colour has come back to my face. I no longer feel sober nor mad, I feel like talking but to who???

My joy is probably brought to me by my new novel, "The Vampire Lestat". There I read of his pain, his life, his loneliness. I wish I could meet him so that he can make me into what I wanna be.

When come to think of it, being the undead is not as bad as it looks. All u nid is blood to feed to you, party all night & wealth beyond your imagination. And as for loneliness, it is not that bad, my life here itself is a lonely one. I have friends, family, and god?!?!. But none can I come to, it must be my fault but this loneliness is like centuries, but what is a century when I can spend million of years alone enjoying the moonlight at the towers of the eiffel or the pyramids.

Do you hear me Lestat or Armand or Mariuss, Make me into who you are!!!

But as joy slip into me, I can feel that life brings no more joy, I keep pondering on how am I going to see my friends, face my teachers or better yet see my results.....

2008-12-10T01:38:00.000-08:00

I quited my job because the pay is low. I know that part of it is my fault. I am lazy to look for customers & that I dare to admit.

But....

My family dont understand me at all. I know that times are bad. We are lacking in money but that does not mean they can rub salt to my wound. Its already three days now that I've given them the cold shoulder.

But am I mad at? Am I mad at them, my family? or should I be mad at the company that I worked for? or am I just mad at myself? That, I dont know, but what I know is that, I am longing for company. Not by my family or friends but of God.

God has long abandon me...whether he is still here or not, I dont know.

Next week, I will be getting my results. If I passed, I will be happy as hell. But if I fail, This cold shoulder will only be colder & I might commit suicide!

Right now, I really cant face my friends nor my family. ashamed? but ashamed of what? I cant face sab for she is mad at me. I cant face dila & nas for they know who I am. I cant face win & tiqah because of the job. I cant face my own family for the shame that I've brought to them because to them, I am labeled as "anak-kurang-ajar", "muka macam songotan babi" and "bodoh".

And I cant face the world because of the many mistakes, that I had done & will do in the future. I feel like running away, I wanna die but this heart is weak that I blame myself for who I am...

Life Sux!!!

2008-12-02T03:42:00.000-08:00

LIFE SUCKS!!!

Well, it does but wait till you(me) go to africa or any poor countries & see how life truely sucks!!!

1) I'm left with no money & my mum refuse to give some(darn bitch!!!) just kidding. My family is in a pretty bad shape in money. My mum & big bro is in the possibility of being fired, retrenched or wateva it is, because economy is bad(darn Bush!!!)

2) I wanna appologise to YOU. I now noe tat I should hav told you 'bout it!!! I am Sooooooo Sorry!!! If you want, I can or even dare to kneel & appologise to you or post an appology.

3) (different person) I noe tat I am a jerk!!! I noe tat since.....my job. 'cause ppl should change for the better. Yesterday, was just teasing you...no harm done but if u felt irritated or angry wit me, I appologise. & yes I hav many frens but my true frens r those whom I judge(don worry, I don get it either).

4) I am a change person!!! Since the incident, oni 2ppl noe bout tis. Since den, I've learned tat, u(me) nid to change for something tat u don wan ppl to see/noe. I can see in myself, tat I am a jerk, bitch, arse & yadayadayada. 'Cause, just in 1 month, I've created 4problems. Which is currently more den usual!!!

5) I'm desperate for money. (Money, money, money, must be funny!). I nid money to top-up my prepaid card. I nid money to make my book(Almost finish). I nid money for my own expenses. I nid money to hav money. Evrything is money!!!

And so I'm done wit my ranting... I noe tat it doesnt sound so emotional. But hey, wat can I say, I'm a jerk!!! So deal wit it!!!

Healthwise

2008-11-28T03:21:00.000-08:00

Healthwise has been an enjoyable job for me. There I've learnt many things. Other then the magnificent products, I've learnt things that can nevr be learn in sch. There, I've learned how to talk & convince ppl.

Alas, good things must come to an end. Now, I have to work in Healthwise as a part-timer. My mum has found me another job that can really support me, myself & I(Nay! just kidding). At least, by taking two jobs, I can earn more money.

The fact is, I cant really bear to leave Healthwise as I've gotten closer to them. Although, I didnt really socialised with them, I know, that I will eventually missed them & all the knowledge, imparted to me will be lost.

I'm not that ready to leave this enjoyable, unforgettable memories behind, at least not untill sch reopen that is.....

So ya, thats all. Just wanna tell you guys & gals that Im working in Healthwise (part-time). So anyone interested in our product, do come to me. (pity me la!!! I nid the commision!!)
And also, I'm working in bata at Suntec, do come, who knows.................I can get higher pay!!!
Hahas!!! Teehee ;)

Expo...WTH!!!

2008-11-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

Expo marketing is like shit!!!

On saturday, Mr S. brought us to the Expo. I partnered Sa. and we looked for customers. I can see that Sa. is very keened and focused in finding a costumers. And 'cause of me, we cant get a customer.

On sunday, I keep changing partners. Lucky for Sa. she got many customers. Me, with help of CM., we got two. That oso I felt bad 'cause he is the one who pulled these costumers....hmm wat to do....

But after all the hard work(as if!), well it is, i walked around all day, talking & yadayadayada. I better get my pay, so tat I can quit! I don wan tis work, anyways, my family is finding me a new job anyways...

2008-11-20T06:59:00.000-08:00

We had a three days training in the company that we are working in.

The first day is fun. Mr S. taught us to be confident in a rich man perspective. We learnt to free-minded, rich-minded and be a 100% confident person.

The second day, We learnt more about the products that we are going to promote. We watched videos & testimonials on those patients/buyers whos brought it. And we see for ourself on how efective these products are. Den, Mr S. wants us to make a presentation for the next day.

The third day however is both happy and a dissapointment. First, I did well in my presentation but there is not enough presentation. Den, we suppose to sell it to our family, so far, I manage to sell some of it.

The dissapoiting thing is tat, Atiqah & Winnie wanna quit. It is equivelant to back-stabbing me!!! Now I don hav any frens there!!! Who am I gonna eat with? Joke around with? talk to? What type of fren are you? Leaving me in the lurch!!!

I know, you will ask me to quit but I sold some of the product already, its the same as telling my relatives tat Im working & if I quit, Im actually telling them that Im a quitter!!! Now Im stuck.

In eyes of many, they will see,

Of wat u are, a quitter, u'll be.

No places of wealth u'll receive,

Till i stand up & show tat I'll win!

2008-11-19T04:44:00.001-08:00

TOMORROW, I'LL POST ABOUT MY MY THREE DAY TRAINING.

Job-Hunt

2008-11-15T05:21:00.000-08:00

Today, Me, Winnie & Atiqah planned to go to the gym. But the plan was backfired 'cause there are a lot of ppl in it. Thus the job-hunt. We looked for job under classified in the papers. We found one and we had breakfast in Macdonalds.

Den we went home to change our attire to go to town.

Den I meet up with Atiqah at D.B. Winnie didnt follow 'cause she need to go church. Upon arriving at the place, we were scared!!! The place is soo quiet and scary!!! Den we decide to pull the apples of courage and enter at exactly 2.30 to the interview room.

There, we fill in a form and had an interview with a Malay guy(believe me, Atiqah has died!!). There he interviewed us and we ask qns. Den we left.

After the interview, we went to a shop tat sell CDs, 'cheap some-more'. And we went home.

Den at home, approximately 6+, the guy called my house, saying tat I am accepted and me & Atiqah will go for the training on tis coming tues!!!

I am over the 7th heaven, hell!! Im way passed the galacxies!!! I finally got a job!!! Now I can help my family in paying my bills, but new clothes & spend on stuff tat I dont really need(hahas)....

Gott, danke als segen mich!!!!

L.O.V.E...

2008-11-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

...LIEBE...LOVE...DILIGO...

Wat is love actually? Its a commitment to your partner by being together, feeling & understanding each other. Seriously, who can give a better answer? Can you? If U can, do comment....

...

To me, it is a long commitment, as long as though my partner understands me, I will try my best to understand them(& I mean it!!!).

...

Love is not only between a man & a woman. It can be between families, between friends & also between the same gender/sex. Talking about Homosexuality, I've watched this show, one of the actress asked her friends:

...

"If I am a lesbien, will you still be my friends regardless of me being attracted to women?"

...

Now that is a very good question and it makes my mind pounder.....Will my friends really accept me for who I truly am....How close are you or should I say, How clase am I with my friends and the other way round?...

...

....So let me ask this:

...

"If I say that I am gay(Homo), will you still be my friends? regardless tat I am attracted to men who might be you(male readers)?"

...

Do answer me truthfully....& don consider my feelings....I wanna noe the truth...so do answer me tru mail, talk to me or just post a comment on my tag....

...

Back to love....

...

Is it still call love if U like someone yet knowing that, that person wont like you back?

Is it still call love if there are many boundaries infront of you?

Is it still call love if your partner cheated on you?

Is it still call love if it is just a mere crush?

Is it still call love if lust is the only thing U want from Ur partner?

What do you think?

...

I always have these thoughts in my mind & tat is Y my relationship is always not in success....I have crushes....Lots of crushes....but there are one or two tat I cant get rid of my mind till now....& tat always makes me feel tense....

...

Should I forget them? but how? If I forget about them, wat if they have the same feelings for me? & if I tell them tat I like them, will they like me back? if no, will they change their attitude towards me?

...

The truth about me is tat I am egoistic.....I want my frens to tink of me for wat I want them to tink of me, not as how others think of me!!! I want frens...close frens, best frens, boy/girl frens....& even if it is just one stupid mistake, I want it to be normal again.....

...

Just like the mistake I made to Dixon....because of my stupidity, I lost a good fren & so I wanna take tis opportunity to say: Dixon, Im sorry!!!

...

I know tat tis is not getting anywhere.....but hey, tis is a damn blog right?.....

Western Australia, Perth Trip

2008-11-11T21:19:00.000-08:00

Western Australia Perth Trip

On the 4Nov at night, we take our flight. It reminds me of the flight to kinabalu but Im used to it already. It was an enjoyable flight 'cause there is a screen on each seat and I watch 2movies, Journey to the center of the earth & Mamma mia(here we go again!!). After such a long journey, we finally reached our final destination.

_______________________________________________________________________

First Day; 5Nov

Upon reaching the airport, we have to wait cause one of the cadets lugguage was lost(poor girl), den we had breakfast at the Macdonald's. If u ask me, It was windy outthere(again, reminds me of kinabalu). Den we went to FESA(Fire Emergency Service Association) it is like the fire brigade. There we learnt alot...of...facilities...history...guys...& more guys(the girls can die I tell U!!!).

Den we went to Hamilton High School, there we meet the FESA cadets(Like NCDCC). OMG!!! can you believe it!!! Theres a guy who look old enough to be my brother but HE IS 16 YEARS OLD!!! Ok back, we learnt some of their activities(camps, & camps) & they show us their drills(Yang Tinggi), in english that is.

Finally, We went to the hotel to book in...Its a long day for 1day!!! We had dinner outside(Quite nice really!!!)... den we had debrief (nothing to do though, Im just invited!!!) and after much fun...it comes to an end (Sleep!!!)_____________________________________________________________________

Second Day; 6Nov

This is the day where summer can be called winter...kidding...but seriously it is damn cold...It was raining half way before it stops & rain again...ok back. We had our breakfast in the hotel...it was superb...The guys were eating as though they've not eaten for days...

We were supposed to do rock climbing at the quarry but due to the unpredictable whether, we did Abseiling instead... again here, the instructor was hot, the girls almost died!!! I am scared, period. I was waiting for the sun to smile before I go down!!!(Yes...I did it...God took favour on me), den it was hashirudin, den kenny den haidir & finally benson(act only!!!)...

After tat, we had lunch, subway...the muslims were scared to eat it cause it was not halal but they were assured that it is prepared solely for both muslim & non-muslims to eat.

Den we go abseiling again...tis time, harder. Of course I am not scared!!!(period), again the same last person & benson had his photo taken hanging from the cliff & because he is taking so long, we had to ask him to hurry up!!!

After the whole morning in the quarry, we went to have our aboriginal walk, there we learnt about the many wild herbs that can be eaten raw(of course, this is important to me!!!) I took pictures of the herbs and I even brought a wattle-seed sauce home.

Den at night, we went to Perth obsevatory. It is far from the city's sight, so tat we can see the stars clearly...It was a night worth going for, just that it is very chilly!!! There, using a telescope thingy...we look at the moon, venus, stars(ohh ya...we get to see the constelation, scorpio)...The boys were quite silly 'cause they were running around the house thingy...(Night-PT...hahas)...

Den back to the hotel...The boys wants to hold a feast but too bad!!! all shops closed at 5!!! hihi!!!

__________________________________________________________________________

Third Day; 7Nov

Hahas!!! Breakfast like usual...the boys havent eaten for days....Den we had bus(four-wheel-drive). Here is how it goes...:

1 hour ride, we reach a park where we can see the kangaroos...unfortunately for me, I cant take any photos cause THEY(No Idea) chase the animals away...Den we went to another park nearby & we get to see the Koalas...They are so cute but lazy!!! hahas...Another hour drive, we've reached a fuel kiosk...There we brought drinks & snacks...I brought mocachino, which happens to spilled(sian le!!!)...

Den another 1 or 2hours drive, we've reached a so called eating place for lunch...the bad thing is tat we had to share our food with flies...I hated them!!! After lunch, the boys so cleverly sat on the road & Ms Fauziah had to shoo them away(I dont get it either!!!)

Den we went for afew more hours drive before reaching the sand dunes...It used to be the sea before it protruded to the far end leaving only the hard corals...We took photos and finally...

Another hours of journey, we've reached the desert...There we had a roller-coaster ride with the bus...We went up the hill of sand before driving down the steep hill & stopped halfway(Tat was awesome!!!)...

Den we went back to the hotel and out again for dinner(tis is where i meet the hot indonesian guy, I tot he is ignorant of the malay language...but I am sooo wrong!!!) After dinner, we went for late night shopping as because it is on friday & the shops closes at 9pm...There OMG!!! Benson brought an expensive jacket....I am so loathing him!!!...& back to the hotel where we play truth or dare...

Seriously if U play with guys...It takes hours to come out with a qns or dare...Unfortunately for the big brother, he choose dare & I came out with a very cruel YET funny & cool dare...(Lets just keep it within the group, Scared HE & the others will be angry with me...)....Finally my sleeping time...GOD Im tired.

__________________________________________________________________________

Fourth Day; 8Nov

This is the day...where I like the most!!! In the morning, we went to PCYC(Police Community Youth Club), but because we were early, we went to the beach...There, the cadets were having alot of fun...but because I loathe the beach...I only took photos of others & videos...They are hot!!!(Unfortunately my camera low bat...Nid to use Sheila's cam)...Den off to PCYC again & we had a lot of fun...We chatted, We eat(Barbecue!!!), We play basket ball!!! Ooh ya...Benson is a gentle player!!!(Tats wat he said!!!)...Den they showed us their drills...It is cool....untill they saw our drill...& they commented back saying tat they nid alot of training!!! Hahas!!!

Den we went to Kings Park(Botanic Garden, State War Memorial)!!! There we learnt bout the history of Perth...The dead soldiers...labourers...flora & fauna...yadayadayada...

After tat, off to the store as we had an early ending of activities & THEY buy foods & snacks 'cause they are helding a party for a b'day girl...after the party, we had another gathering for closed frens...but was clashed!!! Tat time I felt bad 'cause my mood is not at its best & wen Im in the mood...It was cancelled...Tat is the only day where I felt scared & left out!!! So many cramped faces & crying & cramped faces again....

Lets forget about tis day!!!!

_______________________________________________________________________

Firth Day; 9Nov

Here, we went to a museum...felt left out 'cause of my stupid attitude...so emo!!! mood swing!!! haiz!!! There I saw alot of boats & ships & history but no frens...I want to cry la!!!

Den we went to Fremantle weekend market, brought alot of stuff there...again...no frens....(crying again)...& off to lunch!!!

Lunch was held in a hotel...Esplanade hotel...again felt left out...& wen I say felt left out...it is meant to me...cause Im not talking to anyone!!! I know...Its my fault!!! & I deserve it!!! (feel like crying again)

Den off to the airport.....

In the airport...someone lost his money(NO, not me!!!, I said SOMEBODY!!!) but he found it, Gods grace!!! Den I sat alone, chatting with the NCDCC girls...felt left out...& off to the plane & take off!!!

In the plane, The airstewardes was kind(Makes me wanna be one!!!), took pictures of the sun setting & I watched Hairspray & Sex & The City, The last movie I cried, cause I watch it half-way & the plane landed(which is a bad thing!!! cause the show is damn hot!!!Seriously!!!)

Back in S'pore, felt weird...Used to cold whether I guess...& I really mean it!!! I wanna go back to Perth!!! & maybe Migrate there!!! & tat is why Im taking a third language, German & Latin!!!...

So tats it!!! Its done & I guess tis is the longest written Blog I've type......So....Toodles!!!

Samhain

2008-10-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

Samhain...

Sa

Samhain is a celebration of the last harvest of the year. Traditionally, it is considered astart of a new year because as it turns to winter, everything go to slumber. In magick, it is where the veil between the world of ours and the dead is at the thinnest. Just like hungry-ghost-festival, it is when, demons and ghost walk
amongst us. Now that is why the westerners wear costume because they want to blend in.

Long after Christianity came, Samhain was diguised as All-saints day, Hallow mass, and then come Halloween. Although held a different meaning, it still has the essense for the great feast, known as "The Feast-of-the-Dead".

This is the time where WE take the opportunity to remember the dead, our loved ones that has passed on. This is the time where we try to amend our mistakes of the past, trying to correct it and welcoming a great future.

Ever wonder why the jack-o-lantern is a national icon for samhain / halloween?

The jack-o-lantern is pumpkin with carving of evil smiles on it. This is to promote an evil aura for DEMONS!!! The candle inside is to guide the spirits to a path each has to take and at the same time, scares the demon from entering the house.

Also, WE will leave foods at our doorstep for the sprites...yes sprites, something like spirit! And we light candles near OUR window also holding the same purpose of guiding the dead.

High School Musical

2008-10-30T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the theatre to watch High School Musical 3. I went with Sharmila, Sangeetha, Siva and Diana. Actually I have doubts because the ticket is damn expensive($28). How can it not be expensive? its at vivo, Gold Class!!! (WOW)....

But as I reached the door of fame, omg!!! its FU**ing worth it!!!! I'm so glad that I payed for it. Theres a comfort chair, with blanket; incase you get cold. There are waiters to wait for you....

Anyways, The show is so NICE!!!!(capital letters).... I really like it!!!
My favourite songs: Now or Never(Basketball tornament), Scream(When Troy got confused).
And seriously, Troy & Sharpay is getting REALLLLLLLLLY Hawt!!!!

And Here I end!!! Till tomorow!!! Happy Samhain / Halloween in Advance!!! ;)

Wicca

2008-10-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

Hi guys & gals!!! I'm here to confest. At the end of this year & one day, I will fully dedicate myself to being a Witch. yes a Witch!!! But to all my muslims friends, not to worry, I still want to keep my faith. So I'm still a muslim.

I will use my craft for my own purpose and maybe to intrude into other ppls life (in a gd way). Dont worry, I wont cast spells or do ritual sacrifice(Lord forbid!!!) Instead, I will use herbs to cure sickness, words to advise, and aroma-therapy.

Isnt wicca a Devils religion?
No its not!!! Wicca doesnt believe in devils. And when evil is concern, its just the work of a mere human being. but he who do evil will have to face the consequences 3times. But as a muslim, I still have to believe in the Devil but will NEVER associate with him.

Arent witches a term for girls?
Actually, "witch" means wise, and that suits perfectly for both men and women. However "Wizard" is only for male(biased). Anyway I dont want to be a wizard, it sounds old and cranky.

Why wicca? Why not just stick to your own religion?
Like I said, wicca will NOT be my religion but a practice. I do and still want to keep my abrahamic religion "Islam". Wicca will just be something that I practise for my own use....Like yoga or meditating thingy.

In my blog, I will not only update on what happens to me but I will also update on my craft. So my blog will be something educational. Anyways, those who seriously wants to be a witch, I will proudly teach you and link you up to wiccan websites(Bullies wont be entertained!!!).

Be Blessed.

love

2008-09-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a love story about two couple and its meaning about our relationship with god.

Once There was a beutiful girl named Juliet(Layla) and an ordinary boy named Romeo(Hashbul). Once Romeo so wanted to see Juliets face but that is a task so hard. In the desert, there lies the tent of Juliet where she lies inside. The problem is that, her family is guarding her from the outside.

Because he get through, he seek the advise of a sheperd at the hill nearby. The sheperd gave him an idea but only if Romeo is up to it. The idea is that Romeo has to wear the carcass of a sheep skin and to crawl all four among the sheep. He agreed and thus he wore the carcass of the sheep skin and crawl amongst the sheep. There, he crawl not only amongst sheep but also on the shits and dungs of the sheep.

When he reached the edge of the sheeps. And get to see a glimsp of her face and there his brain burned and thus he fainted. When he woke up, he was under a shade of a tree and the sheep among him once was gone and there was a man.

The man ask him a question: Why Juliet and not other girls? There are alot of flowers in the field and a lot of fishes in the sea? Why her.
Romeo answered: Yes there are many flowers and fishes but there/they can never be one like Juliet.

Nice huh? But what is the meaning? Here is the meaning. Romeo is to represent all humankind while Juliet represents god the lord. The family guarding Juliet is the veil that covers the face of god(hijab). The sherperd is the teacher. In order to see God(juliet), we hav to humble ourself by wearing the face of purity(the sheeps skin).

Walking among the sheeps is like walking among people who follows blindly. Sheep follow their sheperd blindly just like us who blindly follow other people who are not that smart. By walking the sheeps shit, we are walking through the obstacle in life to be with god.

The minute we(Romeo) see God(Juliet), our brain burns, this means that we cant see god untill we parted this world for God is a holy being, who we shouldnt see as we wishes. The shaded tree is the world that gives both comfort, pleasure and good/bad life. The man who ask the question is the Devil, Satan.

And the answer that he gave him is there can be many gods in the world but the true god can never be the same as the others.

Pound through this? Who and what is God nad love?

Byebye!!!

2nd Deathe

2008-08-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

I ask the Lord to not let all of these to be true. I ask him to make these as a lie!!! A lie that could put my soul at peace. Today, 26 August 2008 Is the Seventh day that my dear beloved Grandfather has departed, leaving us to mourn and pull our strength together.

My Grandfather; Baski Bin Arfa is decended from a Boyanese family in Indonesia. He is the head of my family after the death of my Great-grandmother and after my father. He has a healing hand that will massage ppl's broken limb to full use again(tukang-urut).

I really miss him now that he is gone. Everytime I go to johor, there will be 2ppl that I will salam(peace-giving) first, My granny, then my gramps. But now, there will be one person less.

Just last week, he was here visiting me, my lil-bro and my mum. I watch the tele with him and the last favour I ask of him is to massage my head(headache). Recently too I ask him for Blessed-water for my prelims and that too is not finish. He was soo reluctant to go back and wanted to stay here longer. He even ask my mum to buy him a new prayer-mat(sejadah).

I remember last time, when I still dont have a step-father. He will always decipline me and teach me ways of old and the new embraced religion(Islam). Even though it hurts when he beats me but it is nothing compared to now. Before he died, he managed to do his mid-day prayers(Z'hur), play with my two baby niece. His knees was also getting better from his knee problem.

Now I'm asking. Does God has to be cruel in order to be merciful? Does he has to take someone so dearly loved just for another door of opportunity? That day, I hated God so much(The same thing for my Great-grandmothers' death), He was an enemy to me. It was also my first time crying for days this year. but it all soon ended when I had to practise what I preached:

"To love is to let go"

"When a door closes, another door opens"

Be Blessed People!!!

Love Of Siam

2008-08-16T01:38:00.000-07:00

I've learn something beautiful today.

LOVE.

It doesnt matter whether you're gay, homo or straight, it is better to love and be loved rather than making mistakes.

Love is a feeling to be together yet restrict, far but never apart. Its not something that we should use in physical-contact(sex) for this are false love.

If loving someone is far more important than loving your own family, den it is not love. Love is infinite. It always grow and can never end.

We also should learn to let go. By loving someone, knowing that they will be there for you till the end and yet knowing that they go out of our life in death or breakups, we should always remember that at least we felt love and never alone.

Theres so much in my life that I wanna do, to love, to smile, to be happy and of course to pass my Ns & Os. I bet my friends are tired of seeing me getting pissed off all the time and also being a solitude. Be bless with me, now that i wanna change. Be a happy person and be gratefull to those who help me and be gratefull to those who are grateful to me.,

To all the love that bring us to life

OO Preview

2008-07-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the preview of the Official Opening Ceremony. It was a very night to be remembered!!! I am the spokesperson for the Character Developement Program Exibition Room.

It was fun. Practising my lines with Ms F & Mrs T.

I am so nervous tat I am shivering like hell when I talked to the group of people who entered the room for info. But there was one particular grp tat reli pissed me off(tang-tang-tang!!!). They are the Sec5. Low bunch of of slaves tat is supposed to be staked to the fire!!! I was talking to them to explained about the room but all of them turned their back of me(they were planning before doing it). Seeing tat they are not interested, I just say, "Please enjoy yourself" and just forget about explaining to them the details.

After the room tour, Me & Sab went to the third floor to look for ella but we found three fools instead(they are Hafiz, Jeff & Hong Xiang). These fools were stucked in the art room. And beleive or not, Hafiz is scared of the darkness in the room(Hahas!!!). They were making chaos(Good One!) and were full of drama!!! We laugh all the way till the key uncle open the door for them...........

So tats its. Full of fun & laughter and of course, Anger for the slaves of cowardly infidiles sec5N3(I think)

Death

2008-07-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the death of my Grandaunt.
Yes its true and its no slander either. I something tat day.

" In life.
there is always a chance to say sorry.
Never be bold as you'll soon regret it later!"

This was wat my uncle suffered from. He nevr forgave his own aunt even in her bed-ridden state(well who would thought tat she will go away). So he regretted so musch tat her kissed her on the forehead 4 a very long time & was the 1st one to reach the grave to help bury her.

Me on the other hand is sad too. I always thought tat she is my enemy from abroad. But in truth she just wants to warn me(in a sarcastic way). I was sad, my Mum was sad, My GrandMa(her sister) was sad. We cried and till now i could not get over her peaceful face.

Its said tat she knew tat this will happen. 'cause she ask for cement & cemented her backyard and tat was where she was bathed. She sak for all of her bloods & friends for forgiveness....

I'm sorry................................

So call Class-Outing

2008-06-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Today, we went for a so-call class outing. It's my first time after so many years with my frens going to sentosa;siloso beach together. Me, Uma, Sab, Dila, & many more(especially the indian guys). At first I felt stoned to join them in the waters but I did it okay....just tat I refuse to get out!!!

I found many souvenirs from the sea. Corals, Shells & white sands. Den before I could enjoy with full admiration till the night(chey), we hav to go home. A joyfull day to begotten.

Oh ya......2moro is Friday the 13th........BEWARE!!!

The Missed

2008-06-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Blogger(che-wah!!),

Alot has happened recently and I have no time to update(hihi!!! Sori guys). I brought a new phone which someone had already spillt it out first. Its a cute damn nice phone-ny. Its a N95(ring a bell??)

I've been to the Singapore-Flyer with my mum and her friends(subsidised by her company). It was a very memorable evening especially it is a day after my POP. Most ppl said that it is a lucky thing to do but I would say it arounf 50/50 'cause It is nt moving and there is no "kick" in it!!! Again I'm stressing this, it was a very memorable evening especially when me and mum tried to make it shake by jumping around.

Then just recently the sec3's in NP organised a chalet for us seniors. My first time for any type of chalet(WITH FRIENDS). We rent a bike and rode along the coast untill we reached our destination, "The Playground" (Dont laugh!!!) it was cute especially when we climbed a tower made of rope and I danced all the up & down(which is hard as I have to keep my foot on the rope and my hands grapping the rope). Then we play on the satelite dish which we sat on it and ppl spin it and made me NOT-dizzy.
At night, we had satay and mush-mallow. Oh ya, did i mentioned that I can be a hell-of-a-drunker. Its funny when i had to drink like in almost evry occasion(when theres alcohol, that is).
....Played with fire, went home, bathe, slam on bed.

That is what I want to tell you. the end.

Signing off,

Me(Yan)

p.s. I am a witch who is devoting my life to magic now. ;)

Passing Out Parade(P.O.P.)

2008-05-16T05:58:00.000-07:00

Today was my squad & my Passing Out Parade or simply put it P.O.P. It certainly brings a memorable memory & It will nevr go or stray from my mind. I've always been waiting for these for the past 3years but I didn't know that it will be this saddening.

We taught the sec1 a lil bit of drill. Its the 1st time for them wearing a Full-U. Well, as usual nothing can be right for the first time. Moving on to the passing out parade. It was a sensation. We march out and threw our beret(A sign of stepping down). And we had a buffet(Do take note that it was the sec3 who organised the event for us). Den we had the pop concert/performance.

The sec2's & 3's performed for us. It was cute and funny. well why not, wen justin's picture keep popping out from the video(ppl keep making funny comments) Haha!!!
But the most cutest......SEc1.

My sec1's sang the cutest song. I'll may still be able to see them again but this time they will nevr be mine again! They have their new mentors from now on. I've taken two squad before them(sec 3 & sec 2) but is nevr the same like sec 1's. Its like raising my own kids. Evry week, I am always looking foward to see them. Hey wat can I say, THEY ARE my 1st real squad.

Wee Jiang made a very nice video. It brings back memories that we've gone thru the years. It is really a sweet video. But there is one thing that I've to thank him. It is bringing back the memories when our squad was in Sec1. Memories of our very first mentor; Ming Liang, May Lwin, Melvin & Sean quickly flooded my mind in seconds. The video of our very first pop. The day when our own mentors stepped down. I cried reli bad tat day & today brings back the tears. Luckily nobody noticed but it was a reli sad day.

The Truth, Education For You

2008-05-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

Education

Ppl say That Islam is a religion of terror due to terrorism. Do you think its true??? Here I will tell you the reasons behind many things that ppl often misuderstood. Then you decide if its a religion of terror.

Muhammad(PBUH) is a Pedophile?

True that the prophet married a nine yr old; Aisyah. He was engage to her wen she was nine.But it was so called tied. Only wen she reaches puberty and reach to the right age, den he will marry her. It is a custom in the olden arab to engage their children at a young age(that was last time, now no more!!!)

Islam bring its religion by swords?

Not true at all. In the Quran, it says that "have war on those who invoked war to you". It simply means that only fight if other ppl(usually unbelievers) wants to have war with you. Because they are pagans, as they see the strong will(mentally, physically & Iman) of these muslim, they too become a muslim.
So how can they be force into submission? The way muslim invite unbeliever into Islam is tru these way. 1st is to tell, 2nd is to preach, 3rd is to let them decide & 4th, if thet refuse the muslim will let it go.
Even in war, we are only told to fight those who attack us and never the women, the children and the elderly. eg.

Christians(Knights Templar) wants to rule Jerusalem(place where the first Christians, the Jews and the Muslims reside). Its the muslim lead by Salahuddin who fought back to restore order.
The pagan arabs wants to drive the muslim to extinction. Why? Because they don't want to leave their ancestors religion(Idolators)

Suicide Bombers.

Ppl often thinks tat Islam preach to its followers to do suicide bombing as it is a massacre(Mati Syahid). Its not true at all. Suicide bombers are grp of Atheists. They are ppl who only cares for one religion(their religion) in the world on just free-thinkers and wants ppl to be so.
So it has nothing to do with Islam or other religion at all. Its just that their mind-set has gone hay-wire.

Who is Allah???

Allah translate to english is God or Lord. It is not a name of a deity at all. The jews and the First Christians still use the name 'Allah' today eg. Illah, Hella, Yalla, Alla =means God.
Ppl says that Allah derive from the name Illah, the pagan arabic moon deity. Wrong!!! Just like I said above, It means God.

Islam is biased towards the fellow females.

Islam teaches us that both male & female is equal.
Then why in the arab world women are forbidded to do certain things?
You must understand tat the arab ppl came from many certain tribes and from pagan religion who are biased to women. Habits die hard. But if you see it clearly, rules that seems a hassle to ppl are actually a paradise to the arabic women eg. women are not supposed to drive but they must be drive around to wherever they pleases( so women, you have your own chauffers)

Islam; Believers fight against one another!!!

Again, I must stress that the arab ppl comes from many different tribes. So the believe system is quite different. Its like asking you why are muslims in Singapore are different then the muslims in Malaysia? So it results to the quarrel eg. The sunnis and the Shiite.
Other religion too has their own fights eg. The Protestants and the Catholics(in New Ireland).

So you decide whether Islam IS a religion of terror!!!

My mother.............

2008-04-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

My mother is my jewel, none can take her away from. She is my tears, she is life, she is my love, she is, my mother.

Remember the times when she took care of you since you were born till now. After giving birth to you, none she will see first but you, her child. Heaven is at the feet of your mother, she gave you life thus she is worthy to be given respect to the most.

She will stay up all night, when you're sick as her worries is endless, It times desperation, you're wellfare she will worry and times of happiness too, your happiness she wants it to stay. Tears of a mother, you shall not spill as it is as precious as the milk she's given you. She help you to dress, change your wound, comfort you and she is worthy of respect.

In times when you quarrel with her, her face shows that of anger but her heart shows that of sadness and grieve.

My mum work at night(no father at that time) and later in the day(weekend) she'll work as a part-time maid to bring me up, for my studies and my grandparents. Only she knows how tiring and weary it is to work without rest. She will see me not during the day(even if it is, it'll be an hour or so) for she need to rest to work in the night.

You are her gift from god and she is your gift from god. The greatest gift of all, your mother.
My Mother

2008-04-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

People............You know, I intend to make this personal, but when, you are reading my blog, then joylly well keep it to yourself!!!! I don't mean to be rude but if anything leaks out, I shall have your head off!!!...........................................................................................................................................
Now why are you still reading??? Hmm...never mind, now

Please stop reading

and

FUCK OFF!!!

I'm Not Emo!!!

2008-04-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hell-lo....................................................................Why do ppl keep refer to me as an EMO-BOY???

REASONS ON WHY I'M NOT EMO:

The only reason that I like black or white or red is because, they are my favourite colours. And I like dark colours because they suit my "dark" skin.Duh!!!
People might asked me sometimes on why I am always alone?(Emo arh?), Hell!!! I'm alone because I'm tired or just simply because I have no one to hang-out with(Do note that most of my friends are girls) and sometimes they have some "private" stuff to talk about which I'm not allowed to listen/know.
I love blood!!! but that doesnt mean that I am EMO!!! I love blood because that is the only thing that is red, after red roses of course.
I love rock music but that doesnt mean I'm EMO!!! I love them, because it was introduced to me by my big Brother, Mother, Step-father and Friends. It is nice ok!!! Good to ignore ppl('cause its loud!!!)
If I 'AM' EMO! then I wouldnt be a caring person towards animals, my lil-brother(half true), my family(also half true), NATURE(now that is true!) and ...(I've no idea)...

The thing is that,--> PEOPLE, I'M NOT EMO!!! REFER TO ME AS A GOTHIC IF YOU MUST!!!(which I don't look like one)

And if you still have a problem with it, then joylly FUCK OFF!!! OK!!! Good, now SCRAM......

OK!!!
GOODBYE!!!
BYE!!!
VAMUSH!!!
END!!!
FULLSTOP DOT COM DOT SINGAPORE!!!

A.T.F.

2008-04-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

TODAY!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG! its like so OMG!!!.....kay...stop it ar.....

Today I went for my ATF(Adventure Training {Fucking???}), i dont know the name but it was the scariest and funnest and fuckest(its the name right?) day ever!!! First, we went to the jetty to take a ferry to Pulau Ubin, then we track all the way to NPCC Resilience Camp(tiring sey).

There, we were to cover five station, but I only covered 3(sigh!! sad).

First stop, my squad and I went to the flying-fox. I was a very brave soul untill I reach the top to jump from the 7story high building. You should see my expression(which you can't), at the top, I was reading all kind of prayers that I know till I jump down. Than my expression went blank, because theres suddenly have nothing to be scared of.

Second stop, it was the tunnel (tunnel?? what tunnel??), This tunnel is like a maze used by the japanese to hide from their enemeis to attack(which is not true). Its actually a VERY, VERY, VERY dark tunnel where you can't even see your own hands. In there, I almost stop breathing but I manage to breathe. And Thank God, I manage to get out and stop breathing, I mean start breathing properly.

Third stop. This is so F*** up. High-element is so high(duh!) and it is so the scary, I thought, I can manage it but, I CAN!!! Up there, I read all kind of prayers(Fatihah, the 3 Quls, Takbir, Doa-makan pun ade!!) I was so scared to fall and at the point where the 'ladder' was in my way, I can still shout to ask ppl to get it away(WOW!!)....

Overall, it was fun and tiring but one thing just wouldnt change, I keep falling asleep while waiting for may turn. How amazing is that. So......Chill ppl!!! I'm alive(Happy??? Of course not!!! I'm better dead!!!) kidz............

Bye-Bye!!!

2008-04-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

Toady, we had our phototaking, and it was taking too long. I hate taking photos but when i see pictures of my friends together, it never failed to make me jealous....Haha! Blame it all on me!!!

I have this weird feeling that ppl are looking at me in a weird way. I feel lost. Sad. I just had a chat with one of my friends and only then did I know that I am super sensitive(I bet ppl knows that already). Everytime, my friends shout at me(playing or not), I feel hurt, and thoughts of them leaving me is scary.
"MY FRIENDS ARE MY ENCOURAGEMENT" ,but it feel so sad when they will do the totally opposite, makes me discourage.

Like I said, they are the center of my lifes and afterwhich comes my family and the truth is that:
I don't want my friends to leave me. I know that I've told some that I can survive being alone,I'm used to it,without friends but.............those memories is so hurtfull that if they come back, it will turn me mad.

I never want them to go, thats why I'm always sensitive with my friends. Another reason I'm close to my friends is that.........I'm not realy that close to my family like what ppl thought I am. I always feel comfortable with my friends. I wish to turn to god, but he can hear me(Duh!) but I can't(Double Duh!)...I want a voice that encourage me, to advise me, to love me...but god can only love me and show me the way, no voice will ever come out of him.

I'm a boy, a normal boy. Not popular, neither the less. I cloak myself with braveness, stubborness and ignorant but deep inside, I'm weak, meek as a mouse.
I have a heart, I love those who love me and pray that ppl who hate me will love me. I'm afraid to give away my heart, For no other taker can heal the uncured.

This is my biggest fear, and I have another, and I'm sure, if I'm weak, another big fear will haunt me.

My Discovery Of Singapore

2008-03-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

...Places of Interest in Singapore...

...Singapore River...

The Singapore River was the lifeline of Singapore where our first immigrants eked out a meagre living and saw Singapore transform from an obscure little fishing village to a great seaport. And into a modern metropolis famous for its skyscrapers, the Merlion. Highlights on the banks of the Singapore River include Boat Quay and Clarke Quay, landmarks and memorials such as Merlion Park and Parliament House, museums such as the Asian Civilisation Museum as well as temples and mosques such as the Tan Si Chong Su Temple and Omar Kampong Melaka Mosque.

...Asian Civilisation Museum...

The exhibits in the first wing of the Asian Civilisations Museum are housed in a restored neo-classical building dating back to 1910. The focus of the first wing of the museum is on Chinese civilisation and culture. On display is also the museum's highly acclaimed permanent exhibition, the Peranakan Legacy, which showcases the rich material heritage of the Peranakans from the Straits Settlements and the Indonesian Archipelago. Among the highlights will be a display of the museum's renowned batik, embroidery and beadwork collections and a chance to view exquisite silver and porcelain pieces. Spread over three levels, a series of thematic galleries will give an insight into the cultural heritage of India, China, Southeast Asia and the Islamic World. State-of-the-art display and interactive technologies with educational elements will be carefully integrated into the galleries, along with a centre specially dedicated to younger visitors. A special exhibition gallery will also be provided, to house blockbuster exhibitions. These exhibits will be enhanced by exciting fringe events that will bring ancient traditions, practices and art forms to life.

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...Rich Culture & Heritage of Singapore...

...Kampong Glam...

Kampong Glam is a neighbourhood in Singapore, a city-state in Southeast Asia. It is located north of theSingapore River, in the urban planning of Kallang & Rochor.Today, Kampong Glam still retains strong ties to the ethnic-Malay and Muslim community, and has sometimes been termed the "Muslim Quarter" due to its history. The Muslim population still remains a significant presence in Kampong Glam, especially in Bussorah Street. The area remains a centre for Muslim activities and the Sultan Mosque remains a major landmark and congregation point for Singapore Muslims.Like Little India & Chinatown, Kampong Glam has been resorted restored, refurbished and new life breathed into it, bringing back the former colour and vibrancy of the area. Rows of conserved shophouses can be found in Arab Street, Baghdad Street and Bussorah Street. Many of these shophouses have new tenants such as design and IT firms, art galleries, crafts and curios shops, food caterers and restaurants. They blend in with traditional businesses like textile and carpet shops, blacksmiths and shops selling religious items used by Muslims.

...Chinatown...

Chinatown is an ethnic neighbourhood featuring distinctly chinese cultural elements and a historically concentrated ethnic Chinese population. Chinatown is located within the larger district of Outram.
As the largest ethnic group in Singapore is Chinese, composing approximately 75% of the population, Chinatown is considerably less of an enclave than it once was. However, the district does retain significant historical and cultural significance. Large sections of it have been declared national heritage site officially designated for conservation by the Urban Redevelopment Authority.

...Little India...

Little India is an ethnic neighbourhood found in Singapore that has Indian cultural elements. Little India lies to east of the Singapore River .
Little India is distinct from the Chulia Kampong area. However, as Chulia Kampong became more crowded and competition for land escalated, many ethnic Indians moved into what is now known as Little India. (The Chulia Kampong district no longer exists as a distinct area.)
The Little India area is reported to have developed around a former settlement for Indian convicts. Its location along the Serangoon River originally made it attractive for cattle raising, and trade in livestock was once prominent in the area. Eventually, other economic activity developed, and by the turn of the 20th century, the area began to look like an Indian ethnic neighbourhood.
This neighbourhood has the patronage of people of all races who wish to eat or buy something specific to Indian culture, such as curry or Indian clothing. One of the more prominent examples of cross-cultural patronage besides those regarding food is that many Chinese parents go to shops in Little India to grind rice to make congee for infants. In such cases, the shops have machinery primarily meant to grind spices into powder for use in Indian cuisine.
___________________________________________________________________

...Unique Features of Singapore...

...Sentosa...

Sentosa, which means peace and tranquillity in Malay, is a popular island resort in Singapore, visited by some five million people a year. Attractions include a two-kilometre long sheltered beach, Fort Siloso, two golf courses and two five-star hotels. Siloso Beach lies on the west portion of the southern coast and it is known as the place for beach volleyball and other outdoor activities such as canoeing, skim boarding, mountain biking or rollerblading. There are also dining and shopping outlets along the beach. The Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa Resort is located at the western end of Siloso Beach.

...Underwater World and Dolphin Lagoon...

Underwater World is an oceanarium located on the western part of Sentosa. Opened in 1991, the living museum has more than 2,500 marine animals of 250 species from different regions of the world. The oceanarium is underground and has an 83 metre long travelator that moves visitors along a submerged glass-windowed tunnel from which they can look at an array of marine life including coral reef, stringrays, moray eels, turtles, sharks, and other fishes. The Underwater World also includes a Dolphin Lagoon which is home to some Indo-Pacific humpback dolphins, also known as the pink dolphins. Several "Meet-the-Dolphins" sessions are held daily to allow visitors to enter the waist-deep pool and interact with the dolphins at close proximity.
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...Pride of Singapore...
...Singapore Flyer...

The Singapore Flyer is a giant observing wheel in Singapore. The observation wheel started rotating on February 11, 2008 and officially opened to the public on March 1, 2008. On february 10, 2008, david Beevers, general manager, announced that "It's all systems go" for the "inaugural flight," before dusk Monday evening, at 1230 GMT. Reaching 42 stories high, it comprises a 150-metre (in diameter) high wheel built over a three-story terminal building, giving it a total height of 165 metres. This exceeds The Star of Nanchang by 5 metres and the London Eye by 30 metres. It will feature 28 air-conditioned capsules capable of holding 28 passengers each. A complete rotation of the wheel will take an estimated 30 minutes.
Located on the southeast tip of the Maria Centre reclaimed land , it offers excellent views of the city centre and beyond to about 45 kilometres, including the Indonesian islands of Batam and Bintan, as well as Johor, Malaysia.

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...What do I like about Singapore?...

Singapore is my homeland and my country, well that is what is expected by a Singaporean boy. Singapore is rich in its culture and tradition. There are many races living among us and that is a good thing because we can understand each other better.

Though small, Singapore is a comfortable to live in, knowing that our country is governed and protected by both men and women with the abillity of military defences and governing.

With all the beutiful things that Singapore has from heritage museum to the lowest of "Kopi-tiam", Singapore is just unique then other countries...

By,

Assakhtian (16), 4N1

Todays So Call Outing!!!

2008-03-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

Today me, S.b & A.d went to raffles place, then to city hall.

In Raffles Place, we went to Aries to buy some of their stuff. Then in the heavy downpour, we walk all the way to City Hall... first we stopped by a museum then Arts House...

In City Hall, we went to Peninsular...My idea of going there was to look for a vest for "Be Yourself Day" but instead we found a better place/shop to go to(or atleast to my liking). We enter a witchcraft shop, and all the items there is so nice and theres, Herbal oils, Candles, Books on craft, Crystal balls, Herbs. Its like heaven for me there. i asked the shop-keeper whether she have an Ouija board but she said that it was sold out(Wow!! since when S'porean is so entu' in spirit talking) , of course, i was so upset!!!

Then we walked to Raffles City(again in the rain), There we looked for shirts and OMG!!! it is so damned expensive!!!! I could save a whole life time to buy those things!!! Then lastly, there we went to a book store thingy(not exactly selling "storybooks"....I found a book that is so cute!!! its A4 size and when you open it, it is actually a box...it cost around $40 but who cares, I'm buying them!!! no It!!!

So now here I am !!! SICK!!! due to the rain!!! Hope God Favour me tomorrow by not letting me get sick as I need to go out!!!

Signing off....

Yan...

Today...a sad day

2008-03-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

Today is so tiring and SAD!!! with full of GUILT!!!

Our squad was punished for ignoring two of our squadmate not coming to parade.

But lets not jump to conclusion here!!! 'cause i don't know the real story...I don't want ppl to accuse me for making stupid stories.

In this Incident, I felt really guilty. The squad was pump(push-up) by Ms F. 80. And I was not there to share wit them the pain. And poor W.S. has to do 100 as Ms F. thought that he is not doing his job as a head trainy. I felt totally guilty when Ms.F reprimanded Sp for attendance. She did do her job but ppl just step over her head. I, someone who supposed to assist her, never did a good job, or never did anything.

We've tried, or he has tried. In anyway possible; talk nicely, warn, debriefed, quarrel, fought but the two of them just turned a deaf ear towards us. We almost gave up but someone told us a learning story.

ML said that when trouble rises it is never the ppl who caused the trouble's fault. It is actually his and our fault. But why must it be us? It's because we never did try to stop them or in case, we gave up on them. As a squad(back to NPCC), we are taught "One for all, All for one" so theres no reason, to say that we are not at fault at all. All is responsible................

My Confession

2008-02-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

What have you ppl have against me??? I'm used to be lonely... but...I never felt so lonely before than this!!!

I can't stand life anymore, why don't god just take my life and let me live this cruel place!!!
I'm weak in my studies(especially maths) , I'm not a good monitor, I got problems with my friends, I got problems with my family(especially my lil bro.) and I got problems with my past...

There's just too much of thought in my head...

My studies sucks!!! I failed my maths; which is my weakest subject ever...Edward is right, no matter how hard I study, I will just fail my maths!!! I will fail my physics, geography, social studies, and now I will flun my art(my biggest pride ever)

One delivery for me to be a monitor
!!! no thanks!!!! The class chosed me to be a monitor just because they want to sabotage me!!! I have no right in a being a monitor!!! I make annoucement for them((either an instruction from the teachers or to pay money) , they will just think that I am being bosy, a busy body!!! They don't respect me and they will never will. No matter how hard I clean the class, it will always be messy. From now on, I will not bother about the "stupid FUCKING" class ever!!I NEVER CARED! I DON'T CARE! I WILL NVER CARE! I'M JUST NOT BOTHERED!!!

What are friends for??? Ya right!!! hell with the stupid quote!!! Sharmilla, whom I considered the best friend I've ever had, had actually turn me down, Now she is totally ignoring me!!!(Fine, if that is what she wants, then let it be)
. No I realised that she has just been using me in any work that conserns art(look who's taking advantage of who?)
She is now ignoring Atiqah cause Atiqah is the reason for her not getting high marks like her other classmates(isn't that just being self-centered?) I told Atiqah about it, but Atiqah don't belive it, she said that "Sharmilla is just busy with her and even if she's angry with her, it wont be tat reason"
Sabirah, Adila , they treat me differently now, it look s just sooo "charact" to me....

My past has not been made easy for me either, ppl just call me..............
Lets face it, I'm just a dumb "GAY-BOY"....
Why do they have to call me that? What have I done to them? What have they against me?
I grew up without a father, he's dead for all i care!!!
I was brought up without a male-influence in my life.
I was surrounded with my mother(women), my grandmother(women), my grand-aunts(women), my female cousins(women), even if there was guys, they will be either schooling or working!!!
I befriend with girls... 'cause I'm used to be with girls.... NOW HAS THIS GOT TO BE A PROBLEM WITH YOU GUYS!!!
I know I act 'lembut' sometimes, but pls think, i didn't do it purposely!!! I tried hard not to be but .....

GOD; ALLAH; CHRIST; BUDDHAH whatever gods there are seems to not love me anymore, No... They never had loved me, not even a granted prayers or to coax me whem I'm sad.
Leave me alone.........................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................

SABBATS

2007-12-04T07:22:00.000-08:00

Here are the celebration that we witches celebrate...witches out there, incase u dont know...u can check them out.

SABBATS

Sabbat: Yule

Also Known as: Winter Solstice
Date: 21 December (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: Rebirth and blessings of the sun. It is a time of letting go of the past and of reflecting and building personal strength, protection and integration.

Sabbat: Imbolc

Also known as: Candlemas or Bridget's Fire
Date: 2 February (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: Sacred fire, rekindling of magickal or personal goals in ones life. This is a good time to start projects and think about what you want in your life.

Sabbat: Spring Equinox

Also known as: Hertha's Day and Ostara
Date: 21 March (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: This is a time for planting seeds and ideas for the coming year. This is the perfect time for bridging gaps in your life and to take the time to learn from nature.

Sabbat: BeltaneAlso known as: May Day
Date: 1 May (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: A time of youth and playfulness. This is the time for increasing fertility, sexuality, union and romance. This is one of the Sabbats with a lot of energy.

Sabbat: Summer Solstice

Also known as: Midsummer and Letha's Day
Date: 21 June (Northern Hemisphere)
Associations: This is a time for honoring the ancestors and faerie folk. It is also a good day for forming new alliances with otherworldly beings and creatures.

Sabbat: Lughnassad

Also known as: Lammas
Date: 1 August (Northern Hemisphere)
Associations: This time of year is good for mastering any skills you may have learnt or to start learning new things. This is also a good time of year for joining together, handfastings and to start harvesting your goals.

Sabbat: Autumnal Equinox

Also known as: Hellith's day and Mabon
Date: 21 September (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: This is the turning point in your life. It is when personal goals manifest as well as a time to prepare and set up new patterns for the future.

Sabbat: Samhain

Also known as: Halloween, Hallowmass, All Hallow's Eve
Date: 31 October (Northern Hemisphere)

Associations: This is the day when veils between our world and others are at the thinnest. This is a good time for communications with ancestors and otherworldly beings, and completing all unfinished business with the universe.

2007-12-04T06:38:00.000-08:00

Wiccan Rede
Bide the Wiccan Laws we must,
In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.
Live and let live, Fairly take and fairly give.
Cast the Circle thrice about
To keep the evil spirits out.
To bind the spell everytime
Let the spell be spoke in rhyme.
Soft of eye and light of touch,
Speak little, listen much.
Deosil go by the waxing moon,
Chanting out the Witches' Rune.
Widdershins go by the waning moon,
Chanting out the baneful rune.
When the Lady's moon is new,
Kiss the hand to her, times two.
When the moon rides at her peak,
Then your heart's desire seek.
Heed the North wind's mighty gale,
Lock the door and drop the sail.
When the wind comes from the South,
Love will kiss thee on the mouth.
When the wind blows from the West,
Departed souls will have no rest.
When the wind blows from the East,
Expect the new and set the feast.
Nine woods in the cauldron go,
Burn them fast and burn them slow.
Elder be the Lady's tree,
Burn it not or cursed you'll be.
When the Wheel begins to turn,
Let the Beltane fires burn.
When the Wheel has turned to Yule,
Light the log and the Horned One rules.
Heed ye Flower, Bush and Tree,
By the Lady, blessed be.
Where the rippling waters go,
Cast a stone and truth you'll know.
When ye have a true need,
Hearken not to others' greed.
With a fool no season spend,
Lest ye be counted as his friend.
Merry meet and merry part,
Bright the cheeks and warm the heart.
Mind the Threefold Law you should,
Three times bad and three times good.
When misfortune is enow,
Wear the blue star on thy brow.
True in Love ever be,
Lest thy lover's false to thee.
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill:
An harm ye none, do what ye will.

2007-11-29T00:33:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm As'sakhtian Arwen Orwens Bin As'ari Orwens.
I woul like to tell you about my friend...
He's the type of guy who like to keep things to himself...when somebody scolds he or tease he,
he'll just keep quiet!!! Nice you say??Well behind that face that listens...he actually kept it in the heart...Then later,he'll go to a place where nobody is around,
he'll use those words to scold himself again....for what?? I've no idea
He always has these feelings of uncertainty in him!!!
He used to feeled that he is not loved by his family...although now it has been cleared but when somebody in his family scolds or does not belive him...you will know what happened!!!
He's always confused if his friends are true in befriending him or is it that they just wants to be friends with him for the sake of pity!!!
He also feels that he should not be born in this world because of the unfairness god has given him...
How I know him you say?? Well that boy is 'ME'!!!...
To know more...wait for the next story where he/I will vent his/my anger or sadness....
chao!!!